My Fair Lady

Writing about moral made me think of My Fair Lady. Y'know, the movie? The musical? Yeah.

And what has that got to do with moral, you may ask. Simple. This quote by the oh-so-irrepressible, "the most original moralist in England", Alfred P. Doolittle:

"What's 'e done? Ruined me, that's all. Tied me up and delivered me into the 'ands of middle class morality."

Woohoo.

That being said, My Fair Lady was a classic. IS in fact still a BRILLIANT FANTABULOUS AMAZING SPECTACULAR... er. Okay. So it was great.

What I love about old movies is that they have this timeless feel to them. Even the Sound of Music (cheesy as it was) remains one of my all-time favourites. The only part I hated in the entire movie was the garden scene..

"Somewheeree in my yooouuthh or childhooD... I musT have done something goooood.."

Goosebumps! And not the good kind neither!

That's why I love MFL. There isn't a moment in the show where I just want to dive under a pillow and wish I was deaf. Er. Well, except for the part where she goes (but this was in a good way):

"C'mon DOVER! Move yer bloomin' arse!"

*choke* *splutter* *cough*

And yeah. Freddie Eynsford-Hill is a PAIN. Cheeh. Any guy who says "darling" every other sentence should be shot. Really.

But the music - Mmm! Awesome stuff. The clothes, the era, the story.. and the DIALOGUE! Oh! Food for the soul.

And who else, who ELSE but Rex Harrison!! Booyaaah! The man's a genius! He totally DEFINED male chauvinist pig. He was so utterly arrogant that it was IMPOSSIBLE not to like him.

"Why can't a woman be like.. me?" HAHA. *wipes away tears*.

I'll admit, though I love Julie Andrews, that Audrey Hepburn made a fantastic Eliza. Although please do keep in mind that it was the absolutely astonishing Dame Julie Andrews who sang her songs.

And I guess it was rather apt that she didn't play Eliza. She's way too ... classy for that role. I don't know. I just can't imagine her doing the whole street urchin thing. Julie Andrews is sophistication defined. The way she talks, carries herself... Ooh la la! [Now now.. don't get me wrong, I'm NOT a closet lesbian.]

It's just that Julie Andrews is regal. She walks, talks and acts like a queen (which is why the Princess Diaries was right in the mould for her). And her voice. Damned whoever screwed up that throat operation. Buggers.

But I digress. Like way a lot. Lol.

My Fair Lady is a gem for many different reasons, but the biggest draw for me is and has always been Henry Higgins. Or Rex Harrison as Henry Higgins. (Have I said this? Nevermind. I'll say it again! :P) There is no one on this EARTH who can take that role away from him. Rex Harrison was, is and will always be THE Professor Higgins.

My Fair Lady IS Rex Harrison (although I don't think Henry Higgins would take too kindly to me calling him a "fair lady", but whaddaheck) and Rex Harrison is My Fair Lady. The dude made it his movie, far as I'm concerned.

Oh and this is my favourite song line:

"Don't wait until wrinkles and lines pop up all over my brroooww... Shoooww meeee nooowww!!!"

Hehe.

All right. I've been on long enough.

Toodles.

Moral My Ars... Love.

No matter how much explaining our beloved (but somehow delusional) government does, I canNOT understand how Pendidikan Moral will help make us more.. moral. In fact, what it does is illicit a whole lot of swear words from frustrated students who'd rather spend that little bit of extra time studying.

(Obviously I don't fall into the "studying" category... more like the "griping about having extra to study" category).

Honestly, though. What IS the logic of answering a moral values paper based on a textbook? Aren't moral values supposed to be about stuff you can apply in your daily life?

Should there even be a right or wrong answer, when certain values (though not in the scheme) can be accepted? How can you say one thing is right and another is wrong although both are applicable to that same situation - just that they're looked at from a different perspective?

The whole concept reeks. Where's the logic? If there is any, I just can't see it. Okay, I understand why they want us to study History. Learning about past patriots can be inspiring. Really.

(I'm a history buff. So sue me).

But Moral? Damned if I get it.

Who are you to say that a parent's duty isn't to "hormat dan taat kepada anggota keluarga" as opposed to "mengekalkan tradisi keluarga"?

[Translations: "respect and be loyal to the family" vs. "upholding family traditions".]

What, parents don't have to do that? Be respectful and loyal, I mean.

Sheesh.

There ISN'T any clear cut right or wrong in instances when both are moral values. There shouldn't be. People react differently to different things don't they? But that doesn't necessarily mean that one person is right and the other wrong. True?

It'd be worth it if it was another easy A. But unfortunately, the Powers that Be don't think being moral should come too easily so... heck. Another subject to pull down the grade.

Makes you really feel like being MORAL, don't it?

*mutters* Those &$%&*@!

Thank you.

(It's only polite to end this way, no? "Berhemah tinggi". *rolls eyes* Pish posh. Sod off. And then some. God, I love the Brits.)

Que Sera Sera..?

Have you ever thought of what things would be like, a year, two years, even 10 years from now? What YOU would be like?

I have. A lot. Are you surprised? Nah. I didn't think you would be.

I remember, as a kid.. I used to look in the mirror and try to visualize what I would look like at 16.

HAH!

If only the 7-year-old me knew. She would have run out and got plastic surgery or something done immediately. Hehe.

So much can change in 10 years. It's scary. I bear very little resemblance to the kid in the old photos (and there are many... my parents were photography mad when we were younger).

In fact, I looked like a Chinese baby through and through. Dad says he got dirty looks from people whenever he took me for walks around the field. In fact, he still does when he puts his arm around me in public :) Poor thing. The social stigma of having a daughter who's several skin tones lighter.

This wondering about the future thing. I can't help doing it! A lot of things I did years ago seem really unnecessary in hindsight, knowing what I know now. All those crushes, fights with friends, jealousy, the tears... Were they really necessary?

And that's what's so scary. What may be exceedingly important now, may hardly seem to matter, 2 or 3 years down the line.

Then again, life is meant to be lived in the moment. Right? So I suppose worrying is a dumb thing to do.

But I still insist on dreaming. Who knows... Maybe if I dream hard enough, I will meet the guy of my dreams - EXACTLY like he is in my dreams! :)

When A Woman Loves A Man

(This is one of the better songs on Westlife's Turnaround. Or at least one of the very few that stuck with me...)

When the stars are in her eyes
And the sun is in her smile
The only moment in a life
That happens the same time
Is when a woman loves a man

She'll be a mother and a child
Sacrifice her days and nights
And no other will exsist
She'll put her life in every kiss
When a woman loves a man

And you'll be amazed at when you're stumbling
She'll fight for you
And won't let you give in
She'll do all that she can
When a woman loves a man

A soothing breeze always blows
Somebody understands another soul
It's like the planets have aligned
Every sentence has a rhyme
When a woman loves a man

Oh, you'll be amazed how when
You're needing it
She'll fight for you
From the begining to the end
And she'll do all that she can
When a woman loves a man

It's the greatest gift of all
Knowing that unconditionally
She'll catch you when you fall
When a woman loves a man

When the stars are in her eyes
And the sun is in her smile
She'll be a mother and a child
But all at the same time
When a woman loves a man

She'll be your air
She'll bring you life
She'll make the sacrifice
When a woman loves a man

~ Westlife ~

21 Things To Do After SPM

1. Go on a book shopping spree!
2. Movie marathon - The Terminal, The Incredibles, Alexander... Oooh.
3. Dye my hair... anyone got ideas on a colour? Just not blue, green, purple, red or yellow, please :P
4. Clear out all the UNWANTED and UNNEEDED SPM books... and dump 'em in Dave's room! Muahahaha!
5. Get Westlife's new album - Allow Us To Be Frank.
6. Get rid of old/little-used clothes and upgrade my wardrobe :)
7. Learn how to cook properly.
8. Make cookies.
9. Try and see if I can match mum's chocolate cake.
10. Buy some more books.
11. Go for a MPO performance.
12. See a theatrical/musical performance.
13. Get a facial.. just for the heck of it.
14. Karaoke!!!
15. Catch up on all the TV I've been missing out on.
16. Sleep late, wake up later.
17. Go for Latte @ 8.
18. Reply all emails - they're LONG overdue. *looks guilty*
19. Download songs. I'm dying from hearing the same stuff over and over and over...
20. Plan a scary movie night and watch Stephen King's "It".
21. Get Tolkien's Unfinished Tales!

~ These are my plans for the time being... more to come, when my brain starts working again ;) ~

7 down, 4 to go

Boohoohoo!!!! My darlin' loooossssst! *sobs heart out*

Um. Well. All right. I'm over-reacting. I like Casey too, so I guess it ain't that bad. GO GIRL! :D

Physics paper was... *slits throat*.

I's NOT liking Physics. I's liking it even less than the Add Maths. *sniffles*

Bye bye another A! *waves forlornly*.

But hell. After this it's a home run til the end, baby! Only two worrisome papers to go. Ahaha! Elaine is excited! Can't wait for.. okay everybody memorize this: 3.30 p.m. 2nd Dec 2004!

Oooh oh I'm lovin' it!

Um. Did I just quote JT?? HEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!

All righty. More than enough one liners for the day. I'm just writing coz I can't NOT write. You know? You don't? Ok nevermind then.

*warbles* "Annndd nowww.. the end is neeeaarrr........"

60 Little Known Things About Me

1. I don't like dark chocolate.
2. I don't like chocolate with fillings (esp. mint, orange and strawberry)
3. Coriander leaves leave a bad taste in my mouth.
4. So do spring onions and celery.
5. Fish skin disgusts me.
6. I will eat fish if it doesn't smell.
7. I like durians, but not durian flavoured products.
8. I think cheesy ballads are cool.
9. The only reason I don't eat prawns is because I'm too lazy to peel 'em.
10. I wear less than a quarter of the clothes in my wardrobe on a regular basis.
11. I still read (and love) Enid Blyton books.
12. I was an F4 freak after watching Meteor Garden last year.
13. My one major regret is stopping ballet lessons.
14. My first celebrity crush was on Austin St. John - or better known as Jason, the Red Ranger.
15. I am a hoarder - about half the things I have, I don't use.
16. I look awful in pink.
17. I drive better when my mum isn't in the car.
18. I think golf is the most boring game invented - next to lawn bowling.
19. I'm more afraid of ordinary house lizards than I am of their bigger counterparts (like iguanas).
20. I don't fancy small dogs (eg. chihuahuas, shitzus etc.) as pets.
21. I had a crush on Aladdin, the cartoon character.
22. I say I like muscular guys, but 3 out of 4 of my ex-es are skinny. Very skinny.
23. I talk in my sleep.
24. I have mismatched ears.
25. I used to think the months were "February, January..."
26. Bon Jovi's "Always" is one fo the most romantic songs ever, IMHO.
27. I don't like red, yellow or white roses.
28. Ornaments, figurines, candles, don't do much for me.
29. Carson is my favourite of the Fab Five. I love his sense of humour!
30. I don't like talking on the phone.
31. I am very quiet unless I'm really comfortable.
32. If there is spaghetti on the menu, chances are I'll order spaghetti.
33. I can never tell if I'm flirting or not.
34. I can be clumsier than Mr. Bean.
35. I like singing in the shower because the water makes my voice sound better.
36. Repairman Jack reminds me of the guy I currently have a crush on.
37. I have 4 different diaries - all half full.
38. I like making lists, but I rarely stick to them.
39. When I was 11 used to sleep downstairs on the shelf next to the radio just so I could catch the late night show with Ross on Hitz.
40. I have NO public speaking skills.
41. I never conducted a single spot check as a prefect.
42. I don't like mindless action movies.
43. I have never been further than Batam Island.
44. I've had migraines since I was 9 years old.
45. Bad English turns me off.
46. I am a carbon copy of my dad - although I am a tad more disciplined than him! :)
47. I'm the easiest person in the world to shop for - books, chocolates or Famous Amos cookies will make my day.
48. Flowers are nice, but chocolates are better.
49. Of all genres, I like metal and hip hop the least.
50. My favourite psalm is Psalm 91.
51. I cannot control my facial expressions - especially when it comes to bad performances.
52. I can finish 8 novels in 3 days.
53. Rex Harrison is my all time favourite actor - solely for his performance as Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady.
54. I don't like Hokkien mee.
55. I wanna go for vocal, dance and flute lessons.
56. I am doing my Grade 8 in piano, but feel like I'm still in Grade 5.
57. I am a lousy cook.
58. For me, Clay Aiken defines Idol.
59. The only things fishy that I will willingly eat are tuna sandwiches and fish balls.
60. Growing up scares me.

Me Darlings

Feeling a little nostalgic today, so decided to write about my friends. You guys make life worth it. Love y'all! Mwa mwa!

Okay. Ahem. There're 3 categories, basically about my best mates, my group of friends and my cyber friends.

I just needed to get this out of my system ;)

My Best Pals

Ju Li.
She's probably the sole reason I bothered showing up in school 90% of the time this year. I mean, heck. There's only so many times that one can hear the mole story before going crazy. Haha. Jokes aside, we're just totally on the same wavelength. Nobody understands me as well as she does. Fact: We think the same way (scary, eh Ju? :P) and I think we've been finishing each others sentences lately. Now how cool is THAT? :)

Lavinia.
My best choir pal. She made school life all the way through Form 1 and 2 worth it. It's a pity she had to go to Australia. She's probably one of the few people whom I can talk to about ANYTHING, knowing that she'll never judge and I'll always have her support. If you read this Lav.. I miss you, girl.

The Gang

This has 2 sections: The W.E.I.R.D Kambings in Forms 3 and 4, and Insanely Sane in Form 5. Basically the same people with one or two changes...

WK was made up of Joyce, Ee May, Jen, Ju and me. Main activities included sitting at the back of the class eating eclairs and gossiping. Oh, and writing heartbreakingly sad stories to Big Bro. All fake, of course. Hehe.

Insanely Sane includes the same people, with the exception of Joyce and the addition of Priya and Xin Yi . This gang is responsible for making an otherwise BORING "first" class come alive. Repertoire includes Malaysian Idol and boyband spoofs, and conversations that sound like they've just stepped out of the "Hamlet" or "Macbeth" or whichever book they're reading for Lit at that time.Here's a rundown of the peeps involved:

Ee May - Drama Queen, Dancing Queen. She's an excellent mimic and combine that with a hilarious sense of humour and with completely no self-consciousness, it's a perfect combo for a great entertainer. She's also extremely strong willed and knows her own mind, and I admire her 100% for that.

Jenna - One of the founding fath.. I mean, mothers.. of the gangs (Joyce and May being the others), she's definitely a little loose with the screws too (a good thing, this). I love her passion and her ability to feel so deeply about stuff. And also the way she incorporates melodrama into basically everything she does. The 21st Century Shakespeare. No doubt about that.

Joyce - My T.B! Um. That means True Blue. Her best trait? Loyalty. And I guess that's really what makes her more than a friend worth having.

Priya - Cute li'l kid. Or so she says. She's got a similar sense of humour to mine, so is it any wonder that we get along? One year's too short girly. Gonna miss you :(

Xin Yi - The Male Chromosome!!! Haha. All righty. ANOTHER literature freak. I tell you, she and Ju LIVE in Shakespearean times la. Honest. They talk in quotes. No conversation is completely without at least one quote either way. But I'll miss it. The mindless chatter and all.Sniffles.

Net Pals

Dane.
The crazy boy from Down Undah! My donkeyskee! My best net buddy!Never met anyone else with whom I can talk pure nonsense non-stop for hours and not notice the time fly by. And this dude calls me Cheekyskee. Pretty apt, but what can I do? He INSISTS that he has.. um.. "WMDs" and brings them up like, all the time! (Don't deny it, Daney boy.. you do :P) Although just between you and me.. I have this sneaking suspicion it might be another Iraq ;) Hehe. Aw heck. You know I'm just teasing don't ya? *mwa*

(PS: Daney... If you EVER dare say you're not worthy of Em again, I will personally bash your skull in. Grr. She chose you, babes. Meaning she thinks you are. Remember that.)

Yuen Li.
Or should I say Dr. Yuen Li, Low PhD? Haha. This guy is, to quote him - "29, looks 18, acts 12". And hm. Based on recent conversations, I must say I agree :) I've known him for around a year now, and the fact that we haven't lost touch speaks greatly of how mental he must be. Hehe. Seriously though, this fellow's English is like - WHOA! Put him and Ju in a chat and you'd think you've stepped into a 19th century novel. Honest! :) He's brilliant too.. PhD in molecular microbiology *whistles*. Oh and it's to his credit that he doesn't play up the age thing. Yuen Li.. I know I'm a sucky correspondent. I'll let you you win the next bowling game to make up, okay? *hugs*

The MI Forum Family.
I will NEVER regret the day I joined the forum. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, and you won't get any more diverse than the peeps in this forum.

To sbjess, evonc, pretty_petals, miloyalsupporter, Idolfan, Kenny, c.ry.us.nu.b, Leez, Datin Aryna, priest, Revo, jimmie118, meow, fanatico, Valen, baby_seed, karenRox, bayieng, hikari, lai_lai_katong and all those I've met at the Spectaculars and in Genting.... It was AMAZING meeting you guys. Thank you for the best Fridays nights I've had in a long time. Looking forward to next year ;)

The MSN gang: DJ, Jas, Winter and Trix... You guys made the afternoons and evenings bearable ;)

And in YM, Jen, Greg and Ken... Damn I miss that emoticon! Coz that's exactly what I feel like doing when I think of you guys :)

And to those I have yet to meet... mikey, Scorps, MIF and the rest... Looking forward to it. Really.

Faceparty
Paul, Indman, Kev, Kas, Mark, Matt and Saf... Great knowing you guys. You've brought an amazing amount of laughs and I'm really grateful.

-none-

Got up today with a splitting headache. Huh. Should be normal for me, except that I haven't had a headache in months. Sheesh. Shoulda known it wouldn't last.

I don't think any two days have been as boring as yesterday and today have been. Yesterday was so boring, that I can't even remember what I did! I'm serious. God... Cuckoo-ville, here I come!

Sniffles. Dave and Mum have gone to see the Incredibles. Lucky ducks. It's still a good two weeks before I get the chance. Sigh. Whoever invented exams should.. should.. "Go to that place down there!"- Thalia.

Sleeeep glorious sleeeeep! Although I think I've had too much of THAT these two days. So much so that I can't even sleep off this miserable headache. Ah heck. I'll quit griping. It's not like I'm not used to them sledgehammers, anyway.

Oh yeah. If anyone knows where to get any Repairman Jack novels, please tell me. I'm totally in love with that guy. Um. Yeah. Anyway. Any info would be appreciated.

Aiks. Now it's back to being bored. Ta!

Stuff

Yay! I can finally understand some of the Electromagnetic and Electronics sections of Physics. Whee! Okay, maybe I'm still a little blur here and there but heck. It's a vast improvement. At least now I have a vague, if not good, idea of how most of the components work. Phew. My cousin is a life-saver!

Say.. has anyone ever noticed that I'm crazy? From May to October, I never stepped in the cinema once. In this past one week (which is right in the middle of the SPM exams, mind) I've been to the cinema twice and watched 5 DVDs. Now. Can someone explain that to me? Because the logic is totally evading me right now.

But then again. Maybe I'm not that abnormal. I just saw Ee May's blog and she's almost as nuts as I am!! Looks like we're the 5D outcasts. The black sheep. The non-studyers! :D Gimme five, May!!! *piak*

I've been wondering... What does it mean when something happens, or you see something fun or interesting, the first thing that pops into your head is "Wait til __ hears this!" or "I can't wait to tell __". And '__' is the same person. What's that mean, eh?

I'm a Maggi Mee addict. Over the past couple of weeks I think I've eaten as much Maggi Mee as a Western food intolerant Malaysian in London. Damn. I hope that "eat too much Maggi can become botak one you know!" OWT is just what it is. And old wives tale. *gulps*

Oh joy. Now it's back to the (ugh!) books.

*yawns*

-untitled-

I just realized something over the last couple of days: Insecurity is a REALLY scary thing.

It can do things to you that totally screws your mind up. You start analyzing everything people say and worse, you get paranoid.

Nah uh. Definitely not a good feeling.

What do I have to be insecure about? That's the thing - NOTHING! There is nothing to be insecure about simply because there's nothing there! Does that make sense? Well, it does to me.

But see, knowing something and actually doing something about it are two completely different things. I've thought and thought about it, and nothing I come up with can shatter the logic I know to be the truth.

Anyway, it really is useless pursuing this. Over the course of time (um.. did that sound long? It's more like a couple of months :P), I've come to realize that I've been deluding myself all this while.

I mean, the whole IDEA of it is brilliant: Brains, talent, humour.. what else could I want? Right?

But no. David is right. The human connection is probably.. no, make that IS.. what counts. He asked, "You know him, but do you know his heart?" Um okay.. Not in so many words, but I was stumped.

Ah, the wisdom of younger brothers. There's an infinite amount of truth in that. I don't know HIM. I don't know what makes him tick, I don't know how he'd react to a beggar on the street.. And I don't know how well we'd get along if we really got close. Like, intimate close.

Coz I AM the notorious guy-dumper. Sigh. I admit it. I'm not proud of it, but I do acknowledge that I have an extremely, horrifically short attention span.

So I've decided to give it a rest. Yeah yeah.. I know. My "give it a rest"s don't usually last very long.. But bear with me ok? :)

Dental Care

My dad just showed me some amazing pictures. People with really bad tooth problems - discolouring, gaps, asymmetry of the face, stains, crowding, etc. - with all those problems corrected! And boy, let me tell you, some of the results - if not most - were brilliant, to say the least. Talk about a totally improved apprearance!

And the techniques used weren't all that spectacular - bonding and bleaching. Well, those are the general methods, but the techniques are more specific when it comes to actual cases. It really is nothing fancy, in comparison to the kinds of comestic dentistry available now (eg. implants... which can actually do wonders but cost a bomb). But really. The results speak for themselves.

Come to think of it, maybe doing dentistry won't be so bad after all. Making someone look better almost always makes them feel better about themselves, right? And the teeth are so important! Its hard to smile when you're self-conscious about what you project in that smile, no? I guess I WILL be helping loads of people. Might just make up for me missing the oppurtunity to do psychology! :)

Oh and guys:

Please visit your dentist regularly, at least once every six months, for a routine check up. You may feel that nothing is wrong with your teeth but in reality, you may never know until the tooth (or teeth) starts to hurt. And by then, you options may be limited to

a) Saving the tooth but spending money

or

b) Getting rid of it but eventually having to resort to the likes of dentures/bridges/implants etc. later on and spending a bomb.

Don't let your aversion to dentists stand in the way of good dental care. It'll save you a lot in the long run. And believe me, the amount you fork out for a regular scaling is merely a slice of what you'll have to pay if you let your teeth go to waste.

And I'm not saying this just coz I'm a dentist's daughter, mind you.

I share. I care.

- This community service message was brought to you by wildorchid17 -

B O R E D

Today was a REALLY lazy day. I think I only came out of my room three times - once to go online (for awhile) and twice to forage for food. Otherwise, I stayed in my room.

*yawn*

I love lazing around, don't get me wrong. But it does serve to make one feel incredibly sluggish. I've been feeling lethargic all day.. and I haven't been doing much more than opening a Physics book and a couple of novels that I couldn't quite resist.

Okay fine. So I haven't exactly reached the sleep quota for the average teenager. I can't help it! I need school to sleep! There's something about my desk that just makes me so sleepy. I wish I felt the same way at home.

And you know what's even weirder? When my cousins come over, I'm usually the first to knock out, usually by about 2 a.m., although when I'm alone, I can stay up til 6 a.m. It's really strange. But then, I tend to fall asleep when games like Monopoly are being played. I don't have a clue why I don't like that game... it bores me to tears. Really.

Do you know.. I'm so bored right now, I'm just doodling on a piece of paper. Interesting shapes, they are but hell. They're merely a representation of just how bored I am.

I hereby declare today the official "No Life" day, coz I have never yet been so idle in my entire life. Sigh.

White Chicks

I don't think I've ever enjoyed slapstick comedy as much I enjoyed White Chicks last night. The Wayans brothers are "rolling on the floor laughing"-ly hilarious. There was hardly a time when I - or anyone else in the cinema, for that matter - were not either smiling or laughing our heads off! They really are that funny!

Of course, the jokes don't require you to think and are basically the in-your-face kind. Fact, most of the funny moments centre round 2 black guys trying to be white bimbos. And the effect, though ridiculous, makes for AMAZING entertainment. And you will be entertained, no doubts about that. Unless you're the type who walks around with a poker up your a**.

Heehee. And yeah. There were some rather insightful moments too. Like, discovering what a girl really expects of a guy. Guys, take a notebook and jot those tips down. May be of help in the long run. Especially if you can't imagine what it is your girlfriend is constantly whining about :D

If I were a movie reviewer, I'd give this giant ball of laughs A+, full stars, whatever. Simply because there was NEVER a boring moment. Who cares about the plot? Movies are meant to be enjoyable, relaxing stuff, no? ;)

Hint hint, guys! :)

This has been going around in email and bulletin form, but I still think it's worth putting it up :) I may not like mush, but I'm still a hopeless romantic at heart (like I said, RIGHT guy :P) Anyway, guys just take note. It's worth remembering. Oh.. and for some reason, numbers 8 and 10 are my favourites ;)

1. Put your arms around her waist and whisper in her ears

2. Kiss her every chance you get

3. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too

4. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her

5. Kiss her on the tip of her nose (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her)

6.While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in, tilt her chin and kiss her lightly

7. When she complains that her neck/shoulders hurts massage them for her

8. When people diss her stand up for her

9. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her

10. Lay down under the stars and out her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart... Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you

Ramblings

I've always kind of wondered.. when does someone start becoming important? How is it that one day you wake up and wonder.. "How did I ever get through the day before this?"

It baffles me. When does it happen? How does it happen? WHY does it happen? What is it about that person that makes not caring impossible?

Especially when caring is the last thing you want to do. You want to hate them, or show them in some way that, hey! I can get on without you! But you know it could backfire. That person could walk away and never come back. They'd walk away and you'd be left there. Alone.

People say move on. You'll care for another one day. Maybe even more than you do for the person who had your heart in their hands, but let it slip through and shatter. You'll learn to love again.

You know better than they do. A broken heart never fully recovers, never really heals. There will always be cracks where the pieces have been too far gone to fit back into place. You never forget; you CAN'T forget.

Because that one person has taken all of you. And he has never given it back. How could he? He didn't even know he had you in the first place.

Then you wonder. Should you tell him? Is it worth the risk? And then, as clear as day, you know it is not. Because if he were to walk out of your life forever, it would be a fate a thousand times worse than death.

Depressing? You betcha.

Deepavali Day

I am running on less than 3 hours of sleep. It should be normal, but I'm dead tired. Gone into and come out of zombie-zone. It's like I'm running on auto-pilot.

Got up at 8 this morning coz we had to go to PJ to see gran for awhile, since I haven't seen her since the exams started. Were supposed to leave at 9.30, which is why I got up so early after sleeping at 5.30 (don't ask). HOWEVER, we ended up leaving at 10.. Mainly coz my little pest of a brother decided that it's cool to be a girl, and spend ages getting ready. Which is always the case. I don't know why I haven't got used to it yet. Lol.

After that, on to a friends house for Deepavali. Mmm. Boy, does her mom make good food!! There were a few of us there, mostly ex-prefects. We had a brilliant time discussing the "deterioration of quality in leadership" and "why all the good teachers leave MGS". Heehee. And I must say, it's good to have so many people agreeing. Especially about certain... things.. which one's brother refuses to acknowledgle ;)

Got another Deepavali dinner tonight. I'm stuffed but hey.. Fantastic Indian food is a tempation that I ain't gonna fight, baby. Even if I do put on, like, 10 kg afterwards.

Ow. Eyes tired. Vein in head throbbing. But ain't nothing I can do about it. Just like there's nothing I can do about missing someone. The usual.

But you know.. for all the complaining I do, I love my life. Wouldn't trade it in for the world.

HAPPY DEEPAVALI ALL!

Screwy

ANTHONY CALLEA IS AWESOME.

If he doesn't win, I'll scalp them Aussies meself. Heehee. Not that there's much chance of that happening. Is there? Ooh.

Oh my. I cannot believe I'm posting 4 times today. Where's my brain gone? What am I doing online? Oh. Scratch the brain part. Mine turned solid through lack of use a looooong time ago. As my poor, burdened best friend would gladly tell you. Over and over and over and over and... Nevermind.

May I please indulge in a bout of missing someone? Please? Please? Sigh. Feeling all downers is addictive. Really. And NO. I am NOT that weird. Well.. maybe I am. It's not a crime. Is it? IS IT?

I've always turned to writing get my feelings out of my system. But this time it isn't bloody working! Man, I pity the keys. If only I could transfer the frustration that's making my fingers assault the keyboard into something tangible on screen.. then maybe this feeling'll fade. Oh well. Hoping for a miracle was never my kind of thing. So I'll just stick to making the poor innocent keyboard suffer.

For some reason I always sound incredibly preachy when I write. To me, at least. Or affected. Heck, I don't know the proper word but it just ain't natural. To me la.

All right, hell. I feel like crap right now. Hormonal mood swings, maybe? Damn. The bane of teenage life, huh. I have a feeling I know what's causing it, but that's for my own lil private stewpot. And believe me. Stewing is what I'm doing right now. At my own stupidity, of course.

How can you hate something so much, yet want it just as badly at the same time?

This is precisely why I think I'm so screwed up.

PS: DJ, I'll have to look for 'em first. If I find them, you'll be the first to know okay? ;)

ZzzzZ

I really need to get my act together.

*closes eyes, sticks fingers in ear, mutters*

Sleep is good. Sleep is good. Sleep is good. Sleep is...

Sigh. This isn't gonna work. Darned if I know what to do. Ju's right. Sitting for an exam on 4 hours of sleep just doesn't cut it. My internal clock is screwed, I tell you.

Sigh again. It'd help if my crazy body actually responded to sleeping pills. But in my case, sleeping pills usually do the opposite. As in I get more hyper.

Ach! What am I going to do??? It's not insomnia as such, coz I DO get to sleep. Just not at a very earthly hour.

Hm. Maybe I should cut down on the caffeine. Haha. But coffee never used to have any effect on me. Why should it now?

Anyone got any ideas?

Masterpiece Me

You know what sucks? Sitting in front of the computer, fingers on the keyboard all geared up to write some masterpiece.. and then the li'l ol' brain decides to do a runner and conk out on you. Now THAT really sucks.

I don't know how I wrote a 3 1/2 page long essay on clothes yesterday. Without writing a draft. I amaze myself sometimes. And NO. I am not being big-headed. Really. Because right now, I cannot think of ANYTHING to say. Which is why I'm rambling on. Again.

Back to essay. I wish I could remember what it is I wrote! And to think that I'll never see head or tail of that paper again. Now if only they had given us 2 hours 30 mins for our essay instead of a lousy 1 hour 45 mins (the time for the comprehension paper is the former; go figure) I would have at least had time to copy down my main points so that the essay doesn't disappear into oblivion.

Hey, I take great pride in my essays. Especially the one I wrote about David for the mid-term. Now, it would have been a great essay about my brother - if I'd actually SAID it was about my brother! I think the teacher nearly went into cardiac arrest. Elaine with a 15 year old. How sweet.

But hey. It got me full marks. As did the one on Malaysian teenagers turning away from our culture and being influenced by the West. Heehee. I really have the knack of sounding like a rheumy, naggy old grandmother.

"Malaysian teenagers have lost the respect that our parents had for their elders."

HAH! Me friends were rolling on the floor, I tell you. Well, not literally. The classroom floor is too dirty to be rolled on. No one does duty unless we're yelled at by a string of different teachers at any one day. Teehee.

Damn.

Nostalgia ain't good, baby! :(

Whenever You Call

This song was sung by Mariah Carey and Brian McKnight. Had me bawling at one point in my life, it did. But it's a lovely, icky-mushy (and I don't mean in a bad way) song though so... :)

Love wandered inside
Stronger than you
Stronger than I
And now that it has begun
We cannot turn back
We can only turn into one

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remeber
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch you fall
Whenever you call

And I'm truly inspired
Finding my soul
There in your eyes
And you
Have opened my heart
And lifted me inside
By showing me yourself
Undisguised

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

And I will breathe for you each day
Comfort you through all the pain
Gently kiss your fears away
You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that I
Give you all I am inside

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

Note: This song makes me feel all tingly, it really does. One day.. maybe.. someday.. Uh. I'll hold that thought.

History is History!!!

I just watched Fahrenheit 9/11 today.

And boy was it depressing.

Fine, Michael Moore is completely biased against Bush, but really. Who can blame him? (Plus the dude is funny :P) Me dad says that it's "leftist propaganda". Huh. Tell that to the soldiers who died there. And continue to die everyday.

Which makes me wonder - what do people stand to gain from war? I just don't get how people are willing to kill and be killed for... nothing! Does it really take so much effort to consider words like "peace" and "harmony"? Or should we just wipe out those words from the dictionary altogether, for all the use they are.

Sigh.

All righty. To slightly less depressing stuff.

5 subjects down, 6 to go!!

Well. 5, really. EST doesn't count. History wasn't nearly as hard as I expected... I definitely won't fail. I may not get an A though, but who cares, really? It's history, after all! Hehe.

Now all that's left to haunt me is the 3 sciences. Ooh the thought! But Dec 2 is drawing nearer.. and at exactly 3.30 p.m..... PARTY BABY!!!!!!

In 22 days, 17 hours and 38 minutes, I will finally be liberated from the bonds that is the Malaysian Education System.

And hell. It ain't all that long away, baby!

Apes

Can someone tell me what it is with some guys and being utter morons? Oooh, sometimes I think some people have yet to evolve. Really.

There was a 2 hour break between our morning and afternoon papers today, so Ju and I were at the mamak outside school. 'Bout 4 tables away was this group of.. of APES. Can you imagine, SPM students playing with that thing which when you blow it up and throw, it explodes? Heck, I thought only 7 year olds play with that thing.

And the sound! It was so loud, one ear went numb and my skin actually hurt. And they did this not once, but 3 f-in times!! After each time, they'd all let out this roar of laughter, like it was the funniest thing in the world to do. Grrr. Two words, babes. GROW UP!

Aw sheesh. To top it off, 90% of the people in that shop were SPM-ers, most with books out, trying to study for the last paper. Not only juvenile, but inconsiderate too. How I would have loved to go there and pour hot soup on each and every one of their sniggering faces.

Would wipe the smiles off them good, it would.

Grr.

*Yawns*

Oooh. This isn't a good time to get depressed. And why am I depressed??

I DON'T BLOODY WELL KNOW!!!

Honest. This time I'm clueless. Maybe it's my body's way of telling me that I'm worried at a subconcious level but it isn't invading me consciousness. Which, is a good thing. But it also leads me to go mental.. In all the wrong ways.

I need help. Like, REALLY need help.

Oh and did you know that I overuse words like, "like" and "officially" and "dear"? Well yeah. There's a whole long list but I'll save that for another time.

Damn. Back to the books.

Mr. Red

I can't believe that in the whole entire church, there is only ONE worthy bit of eye candy!! ONE! Sigh. It's really saddening, you know... Cuteness levels have gone down the drain.

Now, this guy.. Well, there is no doubt at all that he's got a certain level of "hot-ness". But ohh! Way to turn a girl off! On the way back from communion I just happened to glance in his direction (okay I know!! Next time I'll just keep my head down.. :P) and he was staring into space, mouth open. I mean, god! Talk about the best retard expression I have EVER seen! Oooh! I nearly burst out laughing. But that wouldn't have gone down too well. Esp with the host in my mouth.

*smacks head*

"Elaine you BAD girl!"

Ah. But there's no denying that the dude has a lot going for him in other respects. He's good-looking (retard expressions or not), he's got a FINE body and he looks intelligent (when his mouth isn't hanging open, of course). It's a pity he disappears so fast after mass. Can't do a bout of spying also.. Not fair. Hmph.

Heehee. Oh well. At least he took my mind off.. stuff.. for awhile.

Thank you, Mr. Red!!

[I call him that coz he's always in red. I know his name, but I'd rather not publish it ;)]

No Clue

Eeks. I just went through some of me posts... Did I really say I loved my "precious"?? Ooh man. That must have been written when I was in a stupor. LMAO. Of COURSE I don't LOVE him. Darn it all.. how many times must I tell myself that I don't LOVE someone til I know him like, inside out? Sheesh. Take your own advice, girl!!!

Besides, saying that you "love" someone can lead to really.. odd.. consequences. Like, either IF they find out, they become majorly perasan, or they'll panic and run for their lives. Heehee. Either way, they're both not really good options.

One thing I've got to get into this hard head of mine (methinks it's solid bone):

Just because someone's dominating your thoughts doesn't mean you love him. It just means that that someone is.. dominating your thoughts. That's all. Nothing to it.

Ah. Now I think it's obvious why I don't take my own advice. My own advice doesn't make any sense!!! Teehee.

You know.. it is really menjijikkan now that I read it again... I sounded like a love sick puppy, good God! Something has to be done! *shakes finger at self*

My dear girl. You cannot go around sounding like a dumb bimbo. Leave the "ohmigod he's so cute! i love him!" to someone else okay? You're not into that kind of stuff.

Uh.. I'm not?

No. You're not. You're "just like a man" remember?? Listen to your dad.. he is wise. Although you must never let him know you think that.

But.. but..

No buts. Can you picture a man going all "precioussss"-y on his blog? Well, unless he's Smeagol, but that's a different matter altogether. Can you? CAN YOU?

Um.. no..?

SEE?! Use your brains, girl, use your brains. I know you have to go dig around somewhere and dust them off before they can function again, but yeah.. You go do that. It'll be an improvement, I can assure you.

Okay okay! Enough with the nagging already!!!

Sigh.. I am a weirdo. Do you know that?

Yes. I do.

Misc

The first two papers of SPM are over and done with.

*yawns*

Add Math is over... But you know, I actually miss it now. I have no idea why. (G, I'm going to kill you.. embrace it embrace it, now it's gone, I miss it. Grrr..).

ANYWAY. Less than a month and I'll be home free, baby!! Phew. I can't remember ever wishing that a month would fly by this much.

As of now, I'm finding it impossible to study History. I've been stuck at the same 2 pages for ages!! Sigh. Oooh what's to become of me?!! :(

You know.. this is the first time I'm actually typing without direction. Weeehoo. I am SO bored, I think I'll just fall off the chair soon.

*yawns*

Being able to sleep would be a good thing right now. Something funny... The only place that I can TRULY have a good nap in is... SCHOOL! Yup. That's where I always catch some shut eye. Thus the name Sleepy Suicidal Zombie-like Mole.

Ah.. how did such an odd name get coined you ask? Simple. Ju Li and her weirdedness.

I didn't go to school for a couple of days (migraine la.. not ponteng!) so I called her up to ask her if "anything happened in school". Now, a NORMAL person would have just said yes or no. Right? But nooo. She had to go and create this looong story about how there was a depressed mole in school who wanted to commit suicide. They tried talking him out of it but he wouldn't listen. So he went to the Chemistry lab and strapped himself with potassium and promptly launched himself from the 2nd floor of our building into the wet field below. The poor dear left a crater about 10 to 12 inches wide.. (are moles really that small??).

And by some strange twist of her warped mind, she turned ME into that mole... And added my habit of sleeping in class to it.. Thus turning me into the Sleepy Suicidal Zombie-like Mole!! :D Oh and she's the Psychowormologist, coz on another occasion (but the same question), she told me she had spent the day counselling yet another suicide case.. but this time it was a WORM. Sigh.

I tell you, that girl's imagination... *rolls eyes*. Is there any wonder that she's my bestest friend? No? I didn't think so :)

Oiiks. Been rambling again. Ahh heck. Rambling's what I like to do anyhow.

Oooh. I stumbled on Zamil's blog :) He's written an account of the stuff that went on during MI. It's pretty cool. OH! And Shih Chung (c.nu.b)'s blog is cool too.. He had pics of his trip to Hong Kong and lemme tell you, they were the bomb.

Okay. Nuff for today.. Otherwise I'll never stop.

"Can you write in my auto?"

Autographs. Autograph books. Biodata books.

Whatever you call 'em, they are the standard "end of the year" phenomenon. I think over the years I've had countless... And all containing the details of the same people! Haha. It didn't seem so pathetic at the time though :)

Now that it's the last year of life as we know it, autograph books suddenly become crucial. People start panicking, we're so afraid of losing touch. Everyone is scrambling to get everyone else's contact numbers.. Yours truly included.

But when I actually take a second to think about it... Is it really going to make much difference how many people's details you take down? How many of them are you going to keep in touch with? How many are really going to matter in our "lives after school"?

I suppose you never know when you might need whom, but I still think the chances of me calling up someone I've talked to.. twice?.. the whole year through are pretty slim.

And another thing. Autograph books are an ego boost. No one writes anything bad about you in your autograph book. You've always been a "great friend" and although they didn't talk to you, you've been a "wonderful person". Sigh. Hell, maybe I've given everyone a good impression. Haha.. Fuuh *kembang*

Oooh! And these are standard autograph book openers (when the person doesn't know you too well, of course!) :

"Thank you for giving me this (optional: golden) oppurtunity to pen down something in your (optional: physical description) autograph book/autograph/auto"

"Welcome to my Biodata/Details/Site/Website (huh??)"

And the classic closers like the F.R.A.N.C.E one..

F riendship
R emains (usually without the "s" lol)
A nd
N ever
C an
E nd

and another hilarious one :

Birds fly high,
Hard to catch
Friends like you,
Hard to get!

Haha. Da-amn. Although we aren't as corny in secondary school, a lot of peeps come dangerously close. Somehow things like "Friends Forever!" seem really hollow now. Maybe because we're more aware of the harsh realities of life... That there's no guarantee that even something so good and special won't change.

But that said.. an autograph book provides a physical memory of the people who were a part of our lives for so many years. And maybe one day in the future, even if they are so far out of mind that our vision of them is blurred.. We will still have something to hold on to. Something that will always ensure that somehow...

No one will be forgotten.

I Wanna Go To School!! :(

School ended on Friday.

Well, technically so. It was the last day that we were classmates, heads of forms, heads of clubs, prefects.... Now it's each one for hims- er.. herself, so to speak. Until the 2nd of December when we really will part for good.

Sniffles.

I know I've said I hate school countless times... But damn. How can I not miss something that's taken up more than half of my miserable existence? School's become a part of my system whether I like it.. or admit to it.. or not.

It's going to be strange.. Not getting up at ungodly hours, not having to "slave" through piles of unnecessary work, no more "Excuse me girls....", no more.. no more.. no more.

Okay. I'll recount my school life, if just for the heck of it.

Kindergarten (1992 - 1993)

- I loved it!! Radiant Life Centre was THE kindy, baby!! Our concerts were spectacular! I have never been to a better one. No sirree. And they didn't teach us stupid stuff. Like learning words no 6 year old in their right minds would use. Guidance indeed! Sheesh. -

Primary School (1994 - 1999)

- I can safely say that Simpang Lima (2) provided me with some of the best years of my life... And friends that I can still hang out with without feeling out of touch. Everything from "getah", to inter-class competitions (which the GIRLS always won.. :P) and the "friend you - don't friend you" struggles to the crushes on our computer masters (lol!), the 5 years in Simpang 5 were the best!!! No kid could ask for more. -

Secondary School (2000 - 2004)

- MGS Klang. Or Monkey Girls School. These were the years when old friendships gave way to new ones... And hopefully stronger bonds forged. It's been crazy. Seems like only yesterday that I was walking into what seemed like a whole new world, panicking because of the horror stories the primary school teachers used to bombard us with about sec school to make us study harder :) But it all turned out so well.. Although I'm probably notorious for skipping school the most (health reasons la... not simply one.. :P). -

I'll miss secondary school the most I think. Mainly because I've never had so much fun in my life! I'll miss the choir.. It's taken up such a big part of all the years in school that it's odd when I can't ask "Eh tomorrow got choir ah?" anymore. Sigh. So we were the most notorious club in school. But heck. We were the funnest. So there!

And what about me mates?

Form 1 and 2 it was Kogi, Mei Chia, Ju Li and Ping.. But my best mate was Lavi. I still miss that girl.. Pity she had to go to Aus. LAVI COME BAACCK!! *cries*

Okay. Moving on.

Form 3, 4 and 5.. New batch of friends. We started off as the W.E.I.R.D Kambings (comprising Joyce, Ee May, Jen, Ju and me..) then evolved to the Insanely Sane gang (with Ee May, Jen, Ju, Priya and me.. Joyce having gone to Aus to study). Oh and we are super-the-corrupted!!! All conversations are loaded with double meanings... And I love it :D Jen and Ee May have been superb this year... Boyband and Idol impersonations rock! Ooooh if I hadn't already had appendicitis I would have from laughing too much. Um.... Heehee.

Oh and not forgetting the Maths Club!! Formed by Jen, Ju, Priya and me, it was to showcase our "love" for certain.. aspects of Math. For instance, I liked Algebra, Ju liked Matriks, Jen Antilog and Priya Pengamiran. Haha. But do not be deceived. Those things have absolutely NOTHING whatsoever to do with Maths. (As if it would.. I'm involved! :P)

Gosh I'm going to miss all this. Once SPM is over, all of us will be scattered across the country, across the globe... I know things won't be the SAME anymore. But I can always hope that the closeness we have will never fade.

Here's to 12 excellent school years. And all the friendships made along the way. I will never forget the experiences for as long as I live.

*Sniffles* "Someone pass the tissues please?"

How Did I Fall In Love With You

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like sister and brother
We understood we'd never be
Alone

Those days are gone
Now I want so you much
The night is long
And I need your touch
Don't know what to say
Never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

What can I do to make you mine
Falling so hard, so fast, this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that I resemble
I cannot pretend that we can still be friends
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

What can I do to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know
I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life

What can I do to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
How did I fall in love.. with you?

- Backstreet Boys

~ I love this song!! ~

Preciousss...

Oooh precciousss. We's depressed. Why's we depresssed? We's not knowing. Or maybe we DOES know. But we's not wanting to admits it... It wantss usss to give's up the preciousss. But no!! We's not doing that! We's not knowing which is worsse.. Having the preciouss or lossinng it. We can't makes up our minds!!!

The preciouss is killing us.. But we'll dies without the preciousss too!! Our brat says we'ss only likeess the preciouss coz the preciouss is fitss in with our dream preciouss... And we sayss we KNOWSSS that! Otherwise we wouldn't be WANTING the preciouss now, would we?

We hass to forgets the preciouss.. But we WANTS its so baaaad. We's wishing everyday's that we's not meeting the preciousss but we still not's regreting it. We's confused. We wants to be not confused, but it's harrd, precciousss! The preciouss is ssso ssspecial it hurts usss!

We's not wanting to ramble.. But we's needss it all out! It's killing us, preciouss! We wants it to go away, but it won't! It won't!

When's we going to stop wanting the preciouss? Oh preciouss.. We lovess you!! Or at least.. we thinks we do...

My preciouss!! :(

Poem.. Sort of.

I know he's happier where he is.

I know that he's in no more pain.

I know that life will always go on, no matter who is lost.

I know I will one day find it in me to love again.

But I cannot let go.

It's just so hard.

When the pain grips you inside, and the grief tears you apart.

It doesn't make sense to feel this way.

Why does he have such a hold on me in death?

It's so hard to understand.

How my heart can be destroyed for the love of one man.

He's gone forever, but I still cling on...

Although I know that all is lost.

He is no more and all hope is gone.

-Written at the beginning of 2004-

Mushy Wushy

Anyone who knows me will know that me and mush go together as well as an AB transfusion into an O type patient.

REJECT!!!

*beep**beep**bee_____*

But that's not to say that I don't like romance. Fact is.. I'm like every other girl in that account. Er.. maybe minus the "cupcake" part. After all, what is romance, really, than making the other person feel like the most special being on earth? Right?

I think romance can only be found with the right person. As in REAL romance. Not that touchy feely mushy wushy stuff that's the result of YES, puppy love. COME ON, guys! The chances of it being LOVE (as Dave very well told me yesterday.. take your own advice, dude!) are close to nil.

People wonder why I like writing this stuff. I donno... maybe its coz I actually love the idea of old fashioned romance. Knights in shining armour and whatnot. Although I don't think I'm too keen on the damsel in distress part.....

Walks on beaches, strolls in the park, candle light dinners, the theatre... Now THAT'S what I call fun for two! Why..? Well. Ahem. Um. *cough* Oppurtunities.. *cough**giggle**choke*

Heehee. Maybe except for the theatre. I just threw that in coz.. I know going to cinemas is the norm. But somehow, plays, classical performances.. Are more special. Or maybe its just coz I like 'em. *grins*

Ah and that brings up something else. What could be more romantic than doing what both like together? Both will have fun AND be together at the same time!! Yeah? Is that not so? Um...

I actually don't quite get the point of my ramblings but I do know this. I'd rather talk to the guy I like about his day, than hear him say sweet nothings in my ear. Oh all that is fine and good, but I think relationships that are grounded in reality last longer.

But when all that' s said.. I wouldn't mind if Chris Pine showed up on my doorstep with a dozen roses and called me "Sugar pie honeybunch"!!! :D

Teehee.

Eulogy

In conjunction with Mama's 100 day death anniversary, I'm posting the eulogy that Sharm and I wrote for her. It was HARD trying to put everything we wanted to say into a 3 minutes speech so.. Bit strange, this, but nevertheless it came from our hearts.

"We're changing day to day.

But tell me, where do the children play?"

-Cat Stevens- Where Do The Children Play?

With the dawn of a new era, we venture through tremendous change and modernization; often leaving the richness of our cultures and traditions behind, passing it off as "old fashioned" and "things only ancient people would do".

However, all of us here today are extremely fortunate to have been able to uphold our traditions and cultures up to this very day. All of this would not be possible without the presence of a very special person in our lives.

On this solemn yet glorious day, a child returns to her Father's arms. Our grandmother, Mary Ong Wat Niyu's time on Earth has passed but her eternal paradise and everlasting peace with her Creator has just begun.

Mary Ong Wat Niyu, or more fondly referred to as "Mama" by her grandchildren, has always been a pillar of strength and a great cook, especially to her greedy, greedy grandchildren.

"What you all want to eat? Mama cook."

From the oldest to the youngest grandchild, she knew the culinary favourites of each one. At every family gathering, she would produce meals fit for a dozen kings. We slowly learnt to expect a constant supply of pong teh, sambal belacan, chap chai and a whole assortment of Nyonya delicacies every time we went to visit her.

Although she nagged at us constantly, she showed her affection in other ways. She strongly disapproved of us going out or mixing too freely with non-relative members of the opposite sex. She always kept newspaper clippings to prove to us the "dangers of the world" and how we would get into deep trouble if we went to mamak stalls. At that time, we thought it was a hindrance to our freedom and just an enforcement of ridiculous values. We did not see how she was actually concerned over the safety of her precious grandchildren.

Needless to say, we got on her nerves plenty of times. As both she and us grew older, it was harder to keep us under control. One particularly stressful time led her to declare that she "would rather look after 10 cows" than 1 of us.

Despite her constant dissatisfaction with the lack of "proper" behaviour, she still found ways to spoil us rotten. Baskin Robbins has profited a lot as a result of her generosity to her grandchildren. So have various street vendors around the world. Her penchant for travelling has brought her to so many exotic destinations around the world, and she never failed to come back with souvenirs for us. We all wear T-shirts of different places, half of which we have never even been to before!

That was the great woman we called Mama. A great source of wisdom as well as a link to our roots. We also have her to thank for our parents, uncle and aunties, and 22 excellent, fabulous, amazing, stunningly attractive...and very humble grandchildren. We will dearly miss the times when we gathered in Malacca to celebrate Chinese New Year. It was her presence that made everything seem so complete.

Thank you Mama for everything you have done and all you have been to us.

Walaupun Mama jauh di mata,tapi dekat di hati.

We love you, Ma.

DEDS : A History

1993... (based on photos found)

Fun game of the year: Red Indians and Cowboys
- We had an awesome bow and arrow set AND some really cool guns :)

Fun House
~ Segments include somersaulting on chairs, crawling under stairs, "guess my weight", basketball~

First ever family trip to Genting : Sharm pulled a trick on her dad - threw a tantrum and wanted to go home.. So he drove up to take her home. But when he got there, she REFUSED to go back!! :D Naughty girl..

1994...

Dress up!! This year was all Indian costumes. Mmm.. we looked like Chinese kids masquerading as Indian royalty!
Also made tiaras out of costume jewellery a.k.a my mother's necklaces. :)

1995...

Carolling year! First time we actually carolled together. Wooohoo. You shoulda seen the costumes! And for once in my life I was an ANGEL...*eyes shining*

1996...

And the kids get naughtier. Turned external water tank into a swimming pool. Didn't get out in time and got caught. Spent the entire morning cleaning it out... which was almost as fun anyway!

1997...

Tortured Uncle Clarence. Thanks to dad, we learnt all the harmonies.. and were VERY vocal about mistakes in the carollers harmonies. Haha. Wonder what he must've been thinking... 3 ten year olds and an 8 year old insisting "THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT SHOULD BE SUNG!!"

A can of spilled paint is all it took to prove our IQs are waaaaaay below 100. The Fantastic 4 decided to use our HANDS. Yup. Take it as a lesson: NEVER scoop up spilled paint with your hands if you know what's good for you!

Oh and thinner is "acidic", by the way. So if it burns.. shouting "ARGH! ACIDIC!" is merely a case of stating the obvious.

Our first ever time singing together. In front of a video cam that is. All Christian songs, but our carols harmonies were.. *ahem*.. Magnifique! *grins*

1998...

Got new bicycles. That was all it took for us to race out of the house to the nearest shops as soon as mum and dad's cars left the driveway.

Broke a window pane in our room while throwing out a Slurpee. Hey, it woulda been evidence of illegal activities! Had to be gotten rid of. Hehe.

1999...

MTV, here we come! Well. Almost. With a repertoire of music videos consisting of all things Westlife, 2 BSB songs and 98 Degrees I Do (Cherish You) ... It was a waste when the tape jammed. Now we no longer have proof of our excellent production capabilities.

Think Malaysian Idol "Greased Lightning" quality. *grins wickedly*

Our first real family trip since Genting to Terengganu . Pulau Kapas was a BLAST!

2000...

Yes! Teenagers at last! At least.. 3 of us were. More videos.. although we kinda looked like the Barney kids. Especially in "I Have A Dream".

Accapella recordings of pretty well harmonized Westlife choruses. If I do say so myself. Hehe.

First ever live performance. Was quite well received. Although the music DID drown out our harmonies. Sigh.

2001...

Teenagers playing Blind Man's Buff? You bet! I don't think we've ever played anything more fun.. and dangerous. Not a single one of us escaped unbruised. Its a miracle none of us sprained or broke anything, tumbling off tables and beds.....

EXPO year. Had our first studio recording experience. Can I just say "SORE THROAT!!!" ? Seriously, the key was waaay too low for us then (I can reach it now.. sigh).

Again another example of low IQ. I wonder how we expected to win a competition with a song like "I Cry". Talk about depressing!!

Although the group who won should have been in the Tai-Chi category or something. Honestly! When is Mandarin Opera considered POP?!

Soledad was aired twice.. Once by Serena on Hitz and another time by some DJ on Radio 4. Heehee. Ladeeda...

2002...

Dave's finally 13. Singing slacked a little. Did a bit of World Of Our Own, but that's it.

Holiday at Endau-Rompin. Aaahh.. Now THAT was some holiday! Bunyans always add a little extra flavour to a holiday. Dark beaches at night, getting stung by jellyfish... Mmhmm. THE mixture for a brilliant holiday! :)

2003...

Lepak year!!! Dave and Sharm into raps. Dave had one really good one - Suicidal. Sharm had 2.. Manifest and Hatred. Loved those. Haha. Tis funny. They're both so NOT depressed and they wrote some of the most depressing stuff I've ever heard!

Holiday in Frasers... Poor Steph got into a mess again. BECAUSE of us. Again. David tried spitting out his chewing gum.. And it got stuck in her hair!!! *ROFL* Poor girl was screaming her head off.. so much so that the restaurant owner took pity on her and gave us a scissors! Ooh boy. That was HILARIOUS!

The "jungle-trekking" was fun, too... And so was the attempt to walk to the Town Centre at 12 a.m. Hehe.

2004...

This year it has stopped. No more singing. Sharm's done some solo stuff though, which is pretty darn good. I personally like Alive and This Much Is True. SOPPY BALLADS!! *grins mischieviously*

We found the Jetty! It's the best place on earth I tell ya.. I absolutely love it there. Maybe in the future... With someone... Sigh.

Mama passed away this year... :(

Twas a sad sad occasion. We reacted typically.. re-wrote 2 songs and a strange eulogy by me and Sharm. She (being the public speaker and all) was appointed to read it.. But broke down half way. So I ended up reading it like a speed train. If I hadn't we'd be running through the cousins and not finishing it since all of us woulda been bawling our eyes out.

Malaysian Idol. Bad production. Not enough good singers. Fun. Why? New friends. And the best is in the Finals. Hope she wins. Go Jac!

~This is just to keep in memory the highlights of our 11 years of closeness~

M E N

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move,automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND MEN?

~ Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. ~

Listening 4 Love

Again.. Not mine but oh-so-true.

There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel.

For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words 'I love you.'

So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good'. But really, these are just other ways of saying 'I love you. You are important to me. I care what happens to you. I don't want you to get hurt.'

We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say.

And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong,we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.

Therefore, we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important.

A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says 'I love you' even though the words might be saying very different.

Anyexpression of a person's concern for another says 'I love you'. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.

A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same.

A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was worried about you,'' the father is saying, "because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.''

We say 'I love you' in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, atother times by speaking out, even brusquely.

We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express.

The problem is listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.

Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love. The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face.

Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.

Simon and Garfunkel wrote that very haunting song, The Sound of Silence . It goes:

Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking; people hearing without listening; people writing songs that voices never shared, because no one dared disturb the sound of silence...

It is a terrifying picture of our modern world, a world without communication and without love. We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realise.

Love

I didn't write this, but I love its message...

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.

His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell.

With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.

During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like.

When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen.

I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:

A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away.

I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment.

"I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?"

The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"

It's not difficult to understand and admire Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. "Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are."

Additional Madness

Argh! Add Maths is the bane of my existence!!

Tell me, why force us to learn something that 3/4 of us won't even use later in life?? Why not just make it optional so that whoever wants to do it can do it and the others won't be forced to believe themselves donkeys just coz they can't get a supposedly easy sum!

Now what bothers me is that my Maths actually used to be GOOD. I'm serious! Surprising, I know but it's true. But when ol' Add Maths came along... lets just say my brain decided to freeze. I do NOT like using 10 different formulas to answer ONE question!!! :(

Tra la la. One month more. I just hope I pass.

G.H.

3 days to a year now. Sigh.

How come I'm like this when I'm supposed to be over him?

And gosh, I'm starting to get a sense of deja vu. There are so many parellels that it's freaking me out! Like the time of meeting, for instance. And when we got closer.

If it were to happen all over again, I don't know if I could take it.

Frankly, I'm terrified.

Romance

Just something I scribbled for the school mag.. (And something to distract me as well. Sigh.)

Ah, romance!

The very word can make a girl’s heart go a-flutter. The utterance of the word brings about dreams of wine, candlelight and dancing in the moonlight… Lying beneath the stars, flowers and candy and…

Never mind.

It’s no use elaborating anyway, because at this stage in life, only 1 in a 100 teenagers grasps the true concept of romance. There is, of course, an impossibly fine line between romance and mush… And the latter seems to be apparent in most relationships.

As a girl, I have to admit the whole flowers and candy concept is enormously appealing (especially the candy, hehe). But do remember, guys, that over-doing the candy bit can result in a fat blob of a girlfriend who is no longer attractive to herself or to anyone else. No matter how well intentioned the gift of candy might be, there are very few girls who can resist the beckoning of a mouth-watering piece of Hershey’s Kisses.

Oh and please! Do NOT attempt to write poetry if your command of the language is mediocre. It will only serve to make the other party cringe in embarrassment, not always for you. A badly written poem can often have the opposite effect, especially if the recipient has a slightly better vocabulary than you.

On the subject of pet names. I, for one, am totally averse to food being used as terms of ‘endearment’! I do admit that there are people out there who love being called ‘cupcake’ and ‘honey bun’. But whenever I hear it, I automatically think of the edible version of those words. And I don’t exactly enjoy getting the impression that I look like a honey bun. Which, by the way, is fat and round.

During the early stages of dating- early being less than five years if you’re in your teens, it is advisable not to refer to each other as ‘husband’ and ‘wife’. Not only is it asinine, it’ll make the other person completely freaked out after awhile. If commitment phobia is apparent in adults, it’s even worse in the typical adolescent.

And guys, ease up on the pick up lines, all right? You’ll probably get slapped across the face if you say something like, “What time do we get off together?” Or if you’re lucky, you’ll just get laughed at. And to all you science freaks out there, “Our chromosomes were meant to be together” or “Did anyone ever tell you that you have the most pulchritudinous orbs?” are out of the question as well.

If you’re planning to ‘romance’ anyone anytime soon, remember that to be romantic, you don’t have to be corny at the same time. The most important thing is that you don’t try too hard. A desperate person can be detected miles away, and there’s no better way to cool a lover’s ardour than to reveal signs of desperation.

For though an elaborate show of affection can be considered sweet, it is in the simple sincerity of the gift of single rose given with a smile that true romance is found.

You Don't Know

Nobody knows me
Yet everyone knows my name
Some people judge me
Not knowing that I’m the same

Thanks for the offer
But I keep my old friends, always
And then I get lonely
Counting the endless days

Are you here for me at all?
Do you care for me at all?
Well this time now I knowI ain’t standing alone no more

Cos all I want is love
Someone who can share the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won’t stare at me no more
Cos all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I am
The person you think you know
You don’t know
You don’t know

Some heart felt emotion
Creeping from deep inside
Cos’ being this person
Is all I’ve got left to hide

Are you here for me at all?
Did you care for me at all?
Last time I was told
I ain’t standing alone no more

All I need is love
Someone who can share the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won’t stare at me no more
And all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I amThe person you don’t know
You don’t know

- Westlife

Oh yeah. And I'm officially depressed.

M.I. Continued...

I'm officially a Malaysian Idol Forum addict. I'm online practically 24/7, and hey guess what? The TRIALS are on.

No am I smart or what?

But dammit, I don't know why but that forum is addictive!! It's not so much that we're discussing Idol, but I don't know.. I suppose it's the human interaction. And there really are some *smart* peeps in there.

Sigh. Oh yeah.. MI is now down to 4.

Andrew, Dina, Vick and Jac.

I can't believe Andrew made it this far. I like him but... he's not a singer. That's all I can say. It's impossible NOT to like him, though. He's obviously a really nice guy. Sigh. Pity he couldn't have been a better singer.

Anyway... Here's to hoping Jac gets it! She deserves it.

Malaysian Idol

Malaysian Idol has been going on for a few weeks now. In fact, it's now into the Final 6!

How's it been so far?? Er.... Hm. Is there a diplomatic way of putting this? No?

Okay well. Lets just say only ONE out of the whole lot is really worth voting for.

We started out with 12... (I'll list them in order of who got voted out first...)

Fazly, Sufiah, Fahmy, Rydee, Victor, Zamil, Andrew, Saiful, Dina, Nikki, Vick and Jac.

Those names highlighted have already been voted off. Sigh.

Anyway, performance wise... Only Jac has been consistent. Every week she's done superbly well, no matter what the theme. Just take last week's Rock theme as an example. Everyone else ended up crashing, what with Andrew's er.. attempt at looking like a druggie during his performance of Creed's "Higher" and Zamil screwing up the lyrics to Hoobastank's "The Reason" and Nikki choosing an AVRIL LAVIGNE song! Since when is AVRIL LAVIGNE ROCK?!!

And then there was Jac. First, she chose a song by TRUE rockers, Guns 'n' Roses. Sweet Child of Mine. And she made it work, baby! It was a fantastic sight to watch. Especially after extremely disastrous performances by the rest.

Which is why I want her to win. No one else comes close.

If someone else wins, I'll.. I'll..

Watch Fazly's This Love a million times as punishment for not voting enough.

Damn. Better vote!!

A Lembu No More! :D

Oooh! I've got my license! Yippeee!

Now I just gotta persuade mum and dad to actually let me drive....

Prefect Buffet 04

And WE DID IT!! :)

The buffet was a total success. Sure there were a few hiccups here and there (like when the CD jumped during the 5ive dance), but overall... Went a gazillion times better than expected.

Oh and hey, the food was good too! *grins*

A thousand thanks to the Form 2s who did an amazing job. Their Malaysian Idol spoof was a hoot! The audience was in hysterics the whole way through. Their "mini concert" and Ads game were pretty good too. Kudos to them on a job well done.

And that's an understatement.

According to feedback, though, the best performance was the choir members' rendition of the school song. Aww shucks. What can I say? We're the best. Just that some idiotic judges refuse to acknowlegde that. Grrr.

In the case of this buffet (after the lot of us practically went mental trying to get everything in order in 3 days), the MGS last minute spirit prevailed.

Hail MGSians!!! Yet again we have shown that no matter how late we do things, we still can churn out the best!

*croaks* Oooh MGS our schoool mosst deeeaarrr....

Ooh I'm MAD !

A hectic few months. Crazily so.

I'm so tired I could fall asleep on my feet.

We got 2nd place for choir. I'm sorry but I'm NOT satisfied witha that result. The excuses given by the judges were totally lame. Why? Here..

Excuse No. 1

"We couldn't hear the harmonies"

Why is it NOT valid?

We recorded the performance and listened to it over and over again. And if you can't hear the harmonies there, what the bloody #*$&$%* are you doing being a judge?!! Let me break it down..

Sejahtera Malaysia had 3 parts. The Alto was so strong this year that we could hear them almost TOO clearly. Penalize us for not blending, fine. But DON'T say the harmonies couldn't be heard.

The Sound of Music had SIX parts. And if you can't hear 6 parts, when only a small minority are singing the melody, then there is something SERIOUSLY wrong somewhere.

Excuse No. 2

Pakaian

Why am I mad? Here's why.

We were wearing school uniforms. So? Let me tell you we looked 3 times neater than the first school did even though they were wearing new costumes. Trust me. The pictures say it all.

And they couldn't come up with anything better than that! *rolls eyes*. Sure, their dynamics were better than ours, but overall, their harmony sucked, their piano accompaniment was whack.. I just don't get it.

Sigh.

Oh and the Prefect Buffet's coming up. Yeehaw. Another load of work.

I'm in charge of entertainment, by the way.

Oh joy.

So much for seniors not having to do anything.

Mama

The past two weeks have been among the worst weeks I've ever been through, and yet not so.

Two weeks ago, we found out that Mama was terminally ill. For weeks the doctor had been putting her loss of weight and continuous coughs down to thyroid and weak lungs. And then she went for a scan.. and they found she had lung cancer. Further tests confirmed that it had spread from her liver.

You can imagine how stunned we were. It hadn't been 2 weeks since she was on her feet cooking otak-otak for us and she'd just been on holiday in Australia couple of months before and she seemed just fine. As fine as any average 80-year-old lady could be, that is. Not a single one of us ever thought she would have cancer. And in such advanced stages, at that.

But from that time on, it was downhill all the way. Within a week she became almost skeletal, and could hardly talk. She didn't have the strength to eat either, and her cough was heart-rending to hear.

That same weekend, she was admitted in SJMC. She progressively got weaker, and it was torture to see her struggle. She couldn't clear the phlegm herself and the doctors were reluctant to use a tube as it would have been very uncomfortable for her. Plus she was diabetic, and that complicated matters. It wasn't long before her breathing became loud and noisy... So loud that we could hear her from the elevator when her room was one of the furthest from the lifts.

(I only just found out that it is actually an indication that the person respiratory system is failing.. It's also known as the "death rattle").

That was when the doctors said she didn't have long to live.

While we were all in shock, I am and will always be, proud of the way the whole family pulled together. We developed a timetable and there was never a time when there were less than 3 people at her side.

We fed her a solution that would keep her sugar level stable, helped her clear the phlegm that she couldn't spit out due to the fact that she was so weak, massaged her arms and legs to improve circulation, and kept a 24 hour vigil at her bedside.

She saw every single one of her children and grandchildren before she died. All 10 and 21 of us. I will never forget the moment she died... She came out of her coma just long enough to look around at us all and breathed her last. It is a consolation, though, to know that the last thing she saw was the faces of all those who loved her and cared for her right up to the end.

There is also consolation in the thought that she received Christ as her Lord before she passed on. It is comforting to know that she is now safe in the arms of her Maker.

It's been 3 days now since she was buried. The shock hasn't quite abated and I don't think I've accepted it yet. It's hard to imagine life without her. She was a central part of our family... Almost every family activity revolved around her.

All of us will miss her, I have no doubts on that account. She loved us in her own way, and showed us in every way she could. She was the typical old school sort of grandmother... Not one to show much affection. But I am convinced that she did all she did for us out of love and I will always treasure those memories.

Mama we love you. We may not always have been obedient or particularly patient with your ways and opinions, but we DO know that all you said and did was because you cared.

I know we will meet again.. and I cannot wait for the day when I get to hear the rare laugh that so often brought joy to us all when we were blessed enough to hear it.

Rest In Peace, Mama.
~ 3rd July 2004 ~

Ladeeda...

The first exams are over!!! Phew.

I probably didn't do all that well, but who cares? They're over!!!! :D

I know Form 5s are supposed to be seniors and what not, but let me ask you: ARE SENIORS SUPPOSED TO DO EVERY DARN LITTLE THING?!!!

No? You got it. But somehow, it ends up that way. I don't recall being so helpless last year. I mean, if the Fifth Former isn't around, use your brains and think up some way to get the job done! Is that so bloody difficult? Sheesh!

I really really really do not want to know what's going to happen to the school next year.

The hols have passed too. Didn't really do anything.. Just hung out. Watched movies.

Oh and Shrek 2 is HILARIOUS!!! The spoofs were so well done I think I couldn't stop laughing the whole way through. I feel like laughing just thinking about it :)

After this, it's back to the grindstone, baby.