B O R E D

Today was a REALLY lazy day. I think I only came out of my room three times - once to go online (for awhile) and twice to forage for food. Otherwise, I stayed in my room.

*yawn*

I love lazing around, don't get me wrong. But it does serve to make one feel incredibly sluggish. I've been feeling lethargic all day.. and I haven't been doing much more than opening a Physics book and a couple of novels that I couldn't quite resist.

Okay fine. So I haven't exactly reached the sleep quota for the average teenager. I can't help it! I need school to sleep! There's something about my desk that just makes me so sleepy. I wish I felt the same way at home.

And you know what's even weirder? When my cousins come over, I'm usually the first to knock out, usually by about 2 a.m., although when I'm alone, I can stay up til 6 a.m. It's really strange. But then, I tend to fall asleep when games like Monopoly are being played. I don't have a clue why I don't like that game... it bores me to tears. Really.

Do you know.. I'm so bored right now, I'm just doodling on a piece of paper. Interesting shapes, they are but hell. They're merely a representation of just how bored I am.

I hereby declare today the official "No Life" day, coz I have never yet been so idle in my entire life. Sigh.

White Chicks

I don't think I've ever enjoyed slapstick comedy as much I enjoyed White Chicks last night. The Wayans brothers are "rolling on the floor laughing"-ly hilarious. There was hardly a time when I - or anyone else in the cinema, for that matter - were not either smiling or laughing our heads off! They really are that funny!

Of course, the jokes don't require you to think and are basically the in-your-face kind. Fact, most of the funny moments centre round 2 black guys trying to be white bimbos. And the effect, though ridiculous, makes for AMAZING entertainment. And you will be entertained, no doubts about that. Unless you're the type who walks around with a poker up your a**.

Heehee. And yeah. There were some rather insightful moments too. Like, discovering what a girl really expects of a guy. Guys, take a notebook and jot those tips down. May be of help in the long run. Especially if you can't imagine what it is your girlfriend is constantly whining about :D

If I were a movie reviewer, I'd give this giant ball of laughs A+, full stars, whatever. Simply because there was NEVER a boring moment. Who cares about the plot? Movies are meant to be enjoyable, relaxing stuff, no? ;)

Hint hint, guys! :)

This has been going around in email and bulletin form, but I still think it's worth putting it up :) I may not like mush, but I'm still a hopeless romantic at heart (like I said, RIGHT guy :P) Anyway, guys just take note. It's worth remembering. Oh.. and for some reason, numbers 8 and 10 are my favourites ;)

1. Put your arms around her waist and whisper in her ears

2. Kiss her every chance you get

3. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too

4. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her

5. Kiss her on the tip of her nose (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her)

6.While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in, tilt her chin and kiss her lightly

7. When she complains that her neck/shoulders hurts massage them for her

8. When people diss her stand up for her

9. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her

10. Lay down under the stars and out her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart... Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you

Ramblings

I've always kind of wondered.. when does someone start becoming important? How is it that one day you wake up and wonder.. "How did I ever get through the day before this?"

It baffles me. When does it happen? How does it happen? WHY does it happen? What is it about that person that makes not caring impossible?

Especially when caring is the last thing you want to do. You want to hate them, or show them in some way that, hey! I can get on without you! But you know it could backfire. That person could walk away and never come back. They'd walk away and you'd be left there. Alone.

People say move on. You'll care for another one day. Maybe even more than you do for the person who had your heart in their hands, but let it slip through and shatter. You'll learn to love again.

You know better than they do. A broken heart never fully recovers, never really heals. There will always be cracks where the pieces have been too far gone to fit back into place. You never forget; you CAN'T forget.

Because that one person has taken all of you. And he has never given it back. How could he? He didn't even know he had you in the first place.

Then you wonder. Should you tell him? Is it worth the risk? And then, as clear as day, you know it is not. Because if he were to walk out of your life forever, it would be a fate a thousand times worse than death.

Depressing? You betcha.

Deepavali Day

I am running on less than 3 hours of sleep. It should be normal, but I'm dead tired. Gone into and come out of zombie-zone. It's like I'm running on auto-pilot.

Got up at 8 this morning coz we had to go to PJ to see gran for awhile, since I haven't seen her since the exams started. Were supposed to leave at 9.30, which is why I got up so early after sleeping at 5.30 (don't ask). HOWEVER, we ended up leaving at 10.. Mainly coz my little pest of a brother decided that it's cool to be a girl, and spend ages getting ready. Which is always the case. I don't know why I haven't got used to it yet. Lol.

After that, on to a friends house for Deepavali. Mmm. Boy, does her mom make good food!! There were a few of us there, mostly ex-prefects. We had a brilliant time discussing the "deterioration of quality in leadership" and "why all the good teachers leave MGS". Heehee. And I must say, it's good to have so many people agreeing. Especially about certain... things.. which one's brother refuses to acknowledgle ;)

Got another Deepavali dinner tonight. I'm stuffed but hey.. Fantastic Indian food is a tempation that I ain't gonna fight, baby. Even if I do put on, like, 10 kg afterwards.

Ow. Eyes tired. Vein in head throbbing. But ain't nothing I can do about it. Just like there's nothing I can do about missing someone. The usual.

But you know.. for all the complaining I do, I love my life. Wouldn't trade it in for the world.

HAPPY DEEPAVALI ALL!

Screwy

ANTHONY CALLEA IS AWESOME.

If he doesn't win, I'll scalp them Aussies meself. Heehee. Not that there's much chance of that happening. Is there? Ooh.

Oh my. I cannot believe I'm posting 4 times today. Where's my brain gone? What am I doing online? Oh. Scratch the brain part. Mine turned solid through lack of use a looooong time ago. As my poor, burdened best friend would gladly tell you. Over and over and over and over and... Nevermind.

May I please indulge in a bout of missing someone? Please? Please? Sigh. Feeling all downers is addictive. Really. And NO. I am NOT that weird. Well.. maybe I am. It's not a crime. Is it? IS IT?

I've always turned to writing get my feelings out of my system. But this time it isn't bloody working! Man, I pity the keys. If only I could transfer the frustration that's making my fingers assault the keyboard into something tangible on screen.. then maybe this feeling'll fade. Oh well. Hoping for a miracle was never my kind of thing. So I'll just stick to making the poor innocent keyboard suffer.

For some reason I always sound incredibly preachy when I write. To me, at least. Or affected. Heck, I don't know the proper word but it just ain't natural. To me la.

All right, hell. I feel like crap right now. Hormonal mood swings, maybe? Damn. The bane of teenage life, huh. I have a feeling I know what's causing it, but that's for my own lil private stewpot. And believe me. Stewing is what I'm doing right now. At my own stupidity, of course.

How can you hate something so much, yet want it just as badly at the same time?

This is precisely why I think I'm so screwed up.

PS: DJ, I'll have to look for 'em first. If I find them, you'll be the first to know okay? ;)

ZzzzZ

I really need to get my act together.

*closes eyes, sticks fingers in ear, mutters*

Sleep is good. Sleep is good. Sleep is good. Sleep is...

Sigh. This isn't gonna work. Darned if I know what to do. Ju's right. Sitting for an exam on 4 hours of sleep just doesn't cut it. My internal clock is screwed, I tell you.

Sigh again. It'd help if my crazy body actually responded to sleeping pills. But in my case, sleeping pills usually do the opposite. As in I get more hyper.

Ach! What am I going to do??? It's not insomnia as such, coz I DO get to sleep. Just not at a very earthly hour.

Hm. Maybe I should cut down on the caffeine. Haha. But coffee never used to have any effect on me. Why should it now?

Anyone got any ideas?

Masterpiece Me

You know what sucks? Sitting in front of the computer, fingers on the keyboard all geared up to write some masterpiece.. and then the li'l ol' brain decides to do a runner and conk out on you. Now THAT really sucks.

I don't know how I wrote a 3 1/2 page long essay on clothes yesterday. Without writing a draft. I amaze myself sometimes. And NO. I am not being big-headed. Really. Because right now, I cannot think of ANYTHING to say. Which is why I'm rambling on. Again.

Back to essay. I wish I could remember what it is I wrote! And to think that I'll never see head or tail of that paper again. Now if only they had given us 2 hours 30 mins for our essay instead of a lousy 1 hour 45 mins (the time for the comprehension paper is the former; go figure) I would have at least had time to copy down my main points so that the essay doesn't disappear into oblivion.

Hey, I take great pride in my essays. Especially the one I wrote about David for the mid-term. Now, it would have been a great essay about my brother - if I'd actually SAID it was about my brother! I think the teacher nearly went into cardiac arrest. Elaine with a 15 year old. How sweet.

But hey. It got me full marks. As did the one on Malaysian teenagers turning away from our culture and being influenced by the West. Heehee. I really have the knack of sounding like a rheumy, naggy old grandmother.

"Malaysian teenagers have lost the respect that our parents had for their elders."

HAH! Me friends were rolling on the floor, I tell you. Well, not literally. The classroom floor is too dirty to be rolled on. No one does duty unless we're yelled at by a string of different teachers at any one day. Teehee.

Damn.

Nostalgia ain't good, baby! :(

Whenever You Call

This song was sung by Mariah Carey and Brian McKnight. Had me bawling at one point in my life, it did. But it's a lovely, icky-mushy (and I don't mean in a bad way) song though so... :)

Love wandered inside
Stronger than you
Stronger than I
And now that it has begun
We cannot turn back
We can only turn into one

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remeber
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch you fall
Whenever you call

And I'm truly inspired
Finding my soul
There in your eyes
And you
Have opened my heart
And lifted me inside
By showing me yourself
Undisguised

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

And I will breathe for you each day
Comfort you through all the pain
Gently kiss your fears away
You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that I
Give you all I am inside

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

Note: This song makes me feel all tingly, it really does. One day.. maybe.. someday.. Uh. I'll hold that thought.

History is History!!!

I just watched Fahrenheit 9/11 today.

And boy was it depressing.

Fine, Michael Moore is completely biased against Bush, but really. Who can blame him? (Plus the dude is funny :P) Me dad says that it's "leftist propaganda". Huh. Tell that to the soldiers who died there. And continue to die everyday.

Which makes me wonder - what do people stand to gain from war? I just don't get how people are willing to kill and be killed for... nothing! Does it really take so much effort to consider words like "peace" and "harmony"? Or should we just wipe out those words from the dictionary altogether, for all the use they are.

Sigh.

All righty. To slightly less depressing stuff.

5 subjects down, 6 to go!!

Well. 5, really. EST doesn't count. History wasn't nearly as hard as I expected... I definitely won't fail. I may not get an A though, but who cares, really? It's history, after all! Hehe.

Now all that's left to haunt me is the 3 sciences. Ooh the thought! But Dec 2 is drawing nearer.. and at exactly 3.30 p.m..... PARTY BABY!!!!!!

In 22 days, 17 hours and 38 minutes, I will finally be liberated from the bonds that is the Malaysian Education System.

And hell. It ain't all that long away, baby!

Apes

Can someone tell me what it is with some guys and being utter morons? Oooh, sometimes I think some people have yet to evolve. Really.

There was a 2 hour break between our morning and afternoon papers today, so Ju and I were at the mamak outside school. 'Bout 4 tables away was this group of.. of APES. Can you imagine, SPM students playing with that thing which when you blow it up and throw, it explodes? Heck, I thought only 7 year olds play with that thing.

And the sound! It was so loud, one ear went numb and my skin actually hurt. And they did this not once, but 3 f-in times!! After each time, they'd all let out this roar of laughter, like it was the funniest thing in the world to do. Grrr. Two words, babes. GROW UP!

Aw sheesh. To top it off, 90% of the people in that shop were SPM-ers, most with books out, trying to study for the last paper. Not only juvenile, but inconsiderate too. How I would have loved to go there and pour hot soup on each and every one of their sniggering faces.

Would wipe the smiles off them good, it would.

Grr.

*Yawns*

Oooh. This isn't a good time to get depressed. And why am I depressed??

I DON'T BLOODY WELL KNOW!!!

Honest. This time I'm clueless. Maybe it's my body's way of telling me that I'm worried at a subconcious level but it isn't invading me consciousness. Which, is a good thing. But it also leads me to go mental.. In all the wrong ways.

I need help. Like, REALLY need help.

Oh and did you know that I overuse words like, "like" and "officially" and "dear"? Well yeah. There's a whole long list but I'll save that for another time.

Damn. Back to the books.

Mr. Red

I can't believe that in the whole entire church, there is only ONE worthy bit of eye candy!! ONE! Sigh. It's really saddening, you know... Cuteness levels have gone down the drain.

Now, this guy.. Well, there is no doubt at all that he's got a certain level of "hot-ness". But ohh! Way to turn a girl off! On the way back from communion I just happened to glance in his direction (okay I know!! Next time I'll just keep my head down.. :P) and he was staring into space, mouth open. I mean, god! Talk about the best retard expression I have EVER seen! Oooh! I nearly burst out laughing. But that wouldn't have gone down too well. Esp with the host in my mouth.

*smacks head*

"Elaine you BAD girl!"

Ah. But there's no denying that the dude has a lot going for him in other respects. He's good-looking (retard expressions or not), he's got a FINE body and he looks intelligent (when his mouth isn't hanging open, of course). It's a pity he disappears so fast after mass. Can't do a bout of spying also.. Not fair. Hmph.

Heehee. Oh well. At least he took my mind off.. stuff.. for awhile.

Thank you, Mr. Red!!

[I call him that coz he's always in red. I know his name, but I'd rather not publish it ;)]

No Clue

Eeks. I just went through some of me posts... Did I really say I loved my "precious"?? Ooh man. That must have been written when I was in a stupor. LMAO. Of COURSE I don't LOVE him. Darn it all.. how many times must I tell myself that I don't LOVE someone til I know him like, inside out? Sheesh. Take your own advice, girl!!!

Besides, saying that you "love" someone can lead to really.. odd.. consequences. Like, either IF they find out, they become majorly perasan, or they'll panic and run for their lives. Heehee. Either way, they're both not really good options.

One thing I've got to get into this hard head of mine (methinks it's solid bone):

Just because someone's dominating your thoughts doesn't mean you love him. It just means that that someone is.. dominating your thoughts. That's all. Nothing to it.

Ah. Now I think it's obvious why I don't take my own advice. My own advice doesn't make any sense!!! Teehee.

You know.. it is really menjijikkan now that I read it again... I sounded like a love sick puppy, good God! Something has to be done! *shakes finger at self*

My dear girl. You cannot go around sounding like a dumb bimbo. Leave the "ohmigod he's so cute! i love him!" to someone else okay? You're not into that kind of stuff.

Uh.. I'm not?

No. You're not. You're "just like a man" remember?? Listen to your dad.. he is wise. Although you must never let him know you think that.

But.. but..

No buts. Can you picture a man going all "precioussss"-y on his blog? Well, unless he's Smeagol, but that's a different matter altogether. Can you? CAN YOU?

Um.. no..?

SEE?! Use your brains, girl, use your brains. I know you have to go dig around somewhere and dust them off before they can function again, but yeah.. You go do that. It'll be an improvement, I can assure you.

Okay okay! Enough with the nagging already!!!

Sigh.. I am a weirdo. Do you know that?

Yes. I do.

Misc

The first two papers of SPM are over and done with.

*yawns*

Add Math is over... But you know, I actually miss it now. I have no idea why. (G, I'm going to kill you.. embrace it embrace it, now it's gone, I miss it. Grrr..).

ANYWAY. Less than a month and I'll be home free, baby!! Phew. I can't remember ever wishing that a month would fly by this much.

As of now, I'm finding it impossible to study History. I've been stuck at the same 2 pages for ages!! Sigh. Oooh what's to become of me?!! :(

You know.. this is the first time I'm actually typing without direction. Weeehoo. I am SO bored, I think I'll just fall off the chair soon.

*yawns*

Being able to sleep would be a good thing right now. Something funny... The only place that I can TRULY have a good nap in is... SCHOOL! Yup. That's where I always catch some shut eye. Thus the name Sleepy Suicidal Zombie-like Mole.

Ah.. how did such an odd name get coined you ask? Simple. Ju Li and her weirdedness.

I didn't go to school for a couple of days (migraine la.. not ponteng!) so I called her up to ask her if "anything happened in school". Now, a NORMAL person would have just said yes or no. Right? But nooo. She had to go and create this looong story about how there was a depressed mole in school who wanted to commit suicide. They tried talking him out of it but he wouldn't listen. So he went to the Chemistry lab and strapped himself with potassium and promptly launched himself from the 2nd floor of our building into the wet field below. The poor dear left a crater about 10 to 12 inches wide.. (are moles really that small??).

And by some strange twist of her warped mind, she turned ME into that mole... And added my habit of sleeping in class to it.. Thus turning me into the Sleepy Suicidal Zombie-like Mole!! :D Oh and she's the Psychowormologist, coz on another occasion (but the same question), she told me she had spent the day counselling yet another suicide case.. but this time it was a WORM. Sigh.

I tell you, that girl's imagination... *rolls eyes*. Is there any wonder that she's my bestest friend? No? I didn't think so :)

Oiiks. Been rambling again. Ahh heck. Rambling's what I like to do anyhow.

Oooh. I stumbled on Zamil's blog :) He's written an account of the stuff that went on during MI. It's pretty cool. OH! And Shih Chung (c.nu.b)'s blog is cool too.. He had pics of his trip to Hong Kong and lemme tell you, they were the bomb.

Okay. Nuff for today.. Otherwise I'll never stop.

"Can you write in my auto?"

Autographs. Autograph books. Biodata books.

Whatever you call 'em, they are the standard "end of the year" phenomenon. I think over the years I've had countless... And all containing the details of the same people! Haha. It didn't seem so pathetic at the time though :)

Now that it's the last year of life as we know it, autograph books suddenly become crucial. People start panicking, we're so afraid of losing touch. Everyone is scrambling to get everyone else's contact numbers.. Yours truly included.

But when I actually take a second to think about it... Is it really going to make much difference how many people's details you take down? How many of them are you going to keep in touch with? How many are really going to matter in our "lives after school"?

I suppose you never know when you might need whom, but I still think the chances of me calling up someone I've talked to.. twice?.. the whole year through are pretty slim.

And another thing. Autograph books are an ego boost. No one writes anything bad about you in your autograph book. You've always been a "great friend" and although they didn't talk to you, you've been a "wonderful person". Sigh. Hell, maybe I've given everyone a good impression. Haha.. Fuuh *kembang*

Oooh! And these are standard autograph book openers (when the person doesn't know you too well, of course!) :

"Thank you for giving me this (optional: golden) oppurtunity to pen down something in your (optional: physical description) autograph book/autograph/auto"

"Welcome to my Biodata/Details/Site/Website (huh??)"

And the classic closers like the F.R.A.N.C.E one..

F riendship
R emains (usually without the "s" lol)
A nd
N ever
C an
E nd

and another hilarious one :

Birds fly high,
Hard to catch
Friends like you,
Hard to get!

Haha. Da-amn. Although we aren't as corny in secondary school, a lot of peeps come dangerously close. Somehow things like "Friends Forever!" seem really hollow now. Maybe because we're more aware of the harsh realities of life... That there's no guarantee that even something so good and special won't change.

But that said.. an autograph book provides a physical memory of the people who were a part of our lives for so many years. And maybe one day in the future, even if they are so far out of mind that our vision of them is blurred.. We will still have something to hold on to. Something that will always ensure that somehow...

No one will be forgotten.

I Wanna Go To School!! :(

School ended on Friday.

Well, technically so. It was the last day that we were classmates, heads of forms, heads of clubs, prefects.... Now it's each one for hims- er.. herself, so to speak. Until the 2nd of December when we really will part for good.

Sniffles.

I know I've said I hate school countless times... But damn. How can I not miss something that's taken up more than half of my miserable existence? School's become a part of my system whether I like it.. or admit to it.. or not.

It's going to be strange.. Not getting up at ungodly hours, not having to "slave" through piles of unnecessary work, no more "Excuse me girls....", no more.. no more.. no more.

Okay. I'll recount my school life, if just for the heck of it.

Kindergarten (1992 - 1993)

- I loved it!! Radiant Life Centre was THE kindy, baby!! Our concerts were spectacular! I have never been to a better one. No sirree. And they didn't teach us stupid stuff. Like learning words no 6 year old in their right minds would use. Guidance indeed! Sheesh. -

Primary School (1994 - 1999)

- I can safely say that Simpang Lima (2) provided me with some of the best years of my life... And friends that I can still hang out with without feeling out of touch. Everything from "getah", to inter-class competitions (which the GIRLS always won.. :P) and the "friend you - don't friend you" struggles to the crushes on our computer masters (lol!), the 5 years in Simpang 5 were the best!!! No kid could ask for more. -

Secondary School (2000 - 2004)

- MGS Klang. Or Monkey Girls School. These were the years when old friendships gave way to new ones... And hopefully stronger bonds forged. It's been crazy. Seems like only yesterday that I was walking into what seemed like a whole new world, panicking because of the horror stories the primary school teachers used to bombard us with about sec school to make us study harder :) But it all turned out so well.. Although I'm probably notorious for skipping school the most (health reasons la... not simply one.. :P). -

I'll miss secondary school the most I think. Mainly because I've never had so much fun in my life! I'll miss the choir.. It's taken up such a big part of all the years in school that it's odd when I can't ask "Eh tomorrow got choir ah?" anymore. Sigh. So we were the most notorious club in school. But heck. We were the funnest. So there!

And what about me mates?

Form 1 and 2 it was Kogi, Mei Chia, Ju Li and Ping.. But my best mate was Lavi. I still miss that girl.. Pity she had to go to Aus. LAVI COME BAACCK!! *cries*

Okay. Moving on.

Form 3, 4 and 5.. New batch of friends. We started off as the W.E.I.R.D Kambings (comprising Joyce, Ee May, Jen, Ju and me..) then evolved to the Insanely Sane gang (with Ee May, Jen, Ju, Priya and me.. Joyce having gone to Aus to study). Oh and we are super-the-corrupted!!! All conversations are loaded with double meanings... And I love it :D Jen and Ee May have been superb this year... Boyband and Idol impersonations rock! Ooooh if I hadn't already had appendicitis I would have from laughing too much. Um.... Heehee.

Oh and not forgetting the Maths Club!! Formed by Jen, Ju, Priya and me, it was to showcase our "love" for certain.. aspects of Math. For instance, I liked Algebra, Ju liked Matriks, Jen Antilog and Priya Pengamiran. Haha. But do not be deceived. Those things have absolutely NOTHING whatsoever to do with Maths. (As if it would.. I'm involved! :P)

Gosh I'm going to miss all this. Once SPM is over, all of us will be scattered across the country, across the globe... I know things won't be the SAME anymore. But I can always hope that the closeness we have will never fade.

Here's to 12 excellent school years. And all the friendships made along the way. I will never forget the experiences for as long as I live.

*Sniffles* "Someone pass the tissues please?"

How Did I Fall In Love With You

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like sister and brother
We understood we'd never be
Alone

Those days are gone
Now I want so you much
The night is long
And I need your touch
Don't know what to say
Never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

What can I do to make you mine
Falling so hard, so fast, this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that I resemble
I cannot pretend that we can still be friends
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

What can I do to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know
I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life

What can I do to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
How did I fall in love.. with you?

- Backstreet Boys

~ I love this song!! ~

Preciousss...

Oooh precciousss. We's depressed. Why's we depresssed? We's not knowing. Or maybe we DOES know. But we's not wanting to admits it... It wantss usss to give's up the preciousss. But no!! We's not doing that! We's not knowing which is worsse.. Having the preciouss or lossinng it. We can't makes up our minds!!!

The preciouss is killing us.. But we'll dies without the preciousss too!! Our brat says we'ss only likeess the preciouss coz the preciouss is fitss in with our dream preciouss... And we sayss we KNOWSSS that! Otherwise we wouldn't be WANTING the preciouss now, would we?

We hass to forgets the preciouss.. But we WANTS its so baaaad. We's wishing everyday's that we's not meeting the preciousss but we still not's regreting it. We's confused. We wants to be not confused, but it's harrd, precciousss! The preciouss is ssso ssspecial it hurts usss!

We's not wanting to ramble.. But we's needss it all out! It's killing us, preciouss! We wants it to go away, but it won't! It won't!

When's we going to stop wanting the preciouss? Oh preciouss.. We lovess you!! Or at least.. we thinks we do...

My preciouss!! :(

Poem.. Sort of.

I know he's happier where he is.

I know that he's in no more pain.

I know that life will always go on, no matter who is lost.

I know I will one day find it in me to love again.

But I cannot let go.

It's just so hard.

When the pain grips you inside, and the grief tears you apart.

It doesn't make sense to feel this way.

Why does he have such a hold on me in death?

It's so hard to understand.

How my heart can be destroyed for the love of one man.

He's gone forever, but I still cling on...

Although I know that all is lost.

He is no more and all hope is gone.

-Written at the beginning of 2004-