Almost Here

Did I hear you right
'cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
And when I hold you your almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you I'm close to tears
'cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here

Boredom Central

You Are a Brownie

Decadent and intense, you aren't for the weakhearted. Those who can deal with your strong flavor find out how sweet you really are.

What Dessert Are You Most Like?

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person. However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways. You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order. You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books. You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more. For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests. A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Anyway

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might never come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
Anyway

~Martina McBride~

Hehehe - EMO!

"And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul"

Langkawi Trip!

Langkawi was simply put, blissful. I haven't been so relaxed in a loooong time. It was lovely just to sit on the beach, in the blazing sun and cool breeze, sipping beers and reading novels with the help of my brand new sunglasses (would've been too bright otherwise!!!).

Here are some pics of what we did (which wasn't much, all things considered..lol).

On board the plane to Langkawi... And amusingly enough, those girls in the background were totally checking David out the whole time!! *roflmao*

Where we ate, slept, drank and generally made such a mess that I pitied housekeeping. Truly, I did.
Our first day at the beach.. Berjaya's private beach front. Lots of Caucasians. It was like stepping into an alternate reality! I felt like I was in Europe or something.

Day 3 - In Kuah, where both Dave and I got brand new sunnies. Hurrah!

I don't know what this is, but is sure is beautiful. And awesomely scary, too.. Anyone got a clue?

That tiny speck floating under the parachute is my darling brother, David. Apparently he spent the time cursing birds and trying to yell at the boat driver(?) to go faster. Tell me, does anyone honestly think he could be heard?!

Jetski-ing has probably got to be one of the funnest sports invented. Really.

This is us, at 4 a.m. dancing on the beach and having what looks to be like an out of body experience!
Stopped by at the science centre where they proceeded to chop my head off and serve it with, off all things, brinjals. This is Goga.. A Georgian photojournalist we met at the beach.. Nice guy. Very friendly.
This is us.. all happy-happy from a bit of wine and coke - no, not mixed.
The Reggae Bar - great music, and cheap drinks. Can it get any better?

With our Georgian pal, Goga... Aunty Wee actually asked if he was a guy or a girl!! Poor Goga. Lol.
This is us on the last day at Cenang Beach, after our very relaxing massage at the Thai Spa. Lazing around is just.. wonderful.

And this is us, all happy to be together... You can bet we're gonna be doing this again soon!!!!

ChocoCake!! :)

I made a chocolate cake today. All by myself.

And guess what?

It's brilliant! As good as my mother's, which is possibly the highest compliment ever when it comes to chocolate cakes.

I'm so happy!!! I was worried for a bit that it wouldn't turn out properly because I was a little distracted, but it did and I'm so proud of myself :)

Hehehe.

Okay folks, it's off to Langkawi in a few... Will be back with pictures and whatnots!

Hardly A Revelation, But...

Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh, or just give in and cry. But I've cried too much already, wasting precious tears on something that probably was only special in my own mind. I'm trying to convince myself that David was right in his assessment of the situation, but maybe it's all still too fresh in my head (in spite of almost a year of trying to get used to it) for me to accept as reality.

But frankly, it IS quite amusing. I'm replaying reactions in my head, and it's not hard to see that faced with negative emotions, some people just don't know how to handle it. Now I'm not saying I can, but at least I'm honest enough with myself to face them, painful or not.

Over the last year I've faced some really painful truths about myself, and the kind of person I am - how truly insecure I really am. I also learnt that I cannot keep relying on someone else to provide me with self-worth. I cannot conjure up dream-like scenes in my head and expect them to come true.

But most of all I learnt that I cannot rely on words. People can say anything, but it doesn't mean they'll follow through on them. And this was, by far, the most painful lesson of all to learn.

I'd like to think I'm older and wiser now, but somehow I'm not sure if that idealistic streak in me has been completely eradicated. However, I know better than to fully believe the words of any man now, no matter how sweet or sincere they seem.

What brought this on? Haha.. let's just say I tested out a theory, and I was proven right. Thank god I had the self control not to send a warning email! Something I should have had a long time ago, but at least I'm learning now...

I'd be damned stupid not to!

AR

Everytime I want to write something, I get distracted by something else. Incredibly frustrating.

At this point in time, I want to gripe about movie critics and how they should just lighten up, but my whole griping mood's been spoiled by a more pressing gripe, which I shall not bother your delicate sensibilities with.

I seem to like that phrase a lot, of late - "delicate sensibilities". Or maybe I'm reading too many novels set in 19th century England.

Sigh.

Oh yes, a bit of news for those whom I've not yet gloated to - I'm starting a degree course in Psychology in Help Uni College in the 22nd of August. Am I excited? You betcha! After 7 months of crying and screaming and cajoling and crying and screaming and .. you get the picture .. I believe I should be ecstatic!

Although... I know this course is gonna be tough. I probably will be kicking myself for putting myself through it at some point, but I suppose the goal is worth the effort, no?

And yes.. I think (some) movie critics should lighten up. Why trash something that is entertaining enough? People don't go to movies to be intellectually stimulated. We go there to lose ourselves in an alternate reality, and if it is sufficiently well created, leave it be!

There are some movies that deserve to be chopped up and swallowed, I agree, but sometimes I get the impression that some of them just write reviews a certain way to sound.... smart? Okay, so I'm being a tad judgmental, but honestly - do you have to compare every movie with one from the, O Great Watcher of Movies, extensive movie database in your head?

Yipes! Looks like I got the gripe out.. In the cattiest manner possible. Well, by my standards, at any rate!

Where have all the cowboys gone. I love that line.

Amazing...

Hm.. would you believe from this picture that this was probably the saddest period in my life? It was then I discovered just how idealistic I was, just how much love can hurt. Amazing how much a smile can hide huh?

Talking Pug!!!

You guys HAVE to check this video out.... It's sooooo cute! I just totally wanted to run out and get myself a pug after watching this :)

Hmmmm..

I could possibly be the stupidest smart person that ever walked this planet.

When am I EVER going to learn my lesson? It seems not. I somehow always manage to get myself into a situation that I can't extricate myself from without considerable damage to my emotional well-being.

Ah well.. I suppose I should get used to this as part of my constantly UNchanging life :P I may never change this part of me... And I'm not sure I'd want to!

Being idealistic sometimes isn't wholly a bad thing - if a touch of reality is applied every now and then. It keeps you optimistic, helps you get through things because there's always hope for a new and better beginning at the end of the road.

Sure, it opens you up to all sorts of hurts when reality intrudes sometimes, but it's so much more worth it to believe that things will one day get better than to be so jaded you lose all hope. There is nothing worse than always seeing things in a negative light - how can you really live?

That said, though, it doesn't pay to be completely ignorant of reality... Being aware of it, of the pitfalls that can often catch an idealistic person off-guard, is important - but should not be the primary focus. The best way to live is always with optimism, but still grounded in the fact that life is never like we want it to be.

I think I shall start taking my own advice and live without regret! If things work out - wonderful! If they don't, at least I gave it a shot - and my best one at that!

Hm... I'm actually writing something positive for a change! Looks like I'm on my way! ;)

Last Official M'cca Trip :(

Our last trip to Malacca to the house we all love.... It's so hard to say goodbye, sometimes, but that's the trouble with life. Nothing ever lasts...

This is Jonker Street... Where we like going at night, mostly, but rarely get to, coz our parents think that we still need "adult" supervision. Someone please define "adult" for me!!!!!

Sheryll and me.. I dunno. I look like Steph's sister, and she looks like Steph's sister, but do we look like sisters? Naw, not really. Sigh.

This is us with Mr. Lukas from the Czech Republic :) One of the nicest guys I've ever met.. And they say I have bad taste. Hah!

Satay Celup!!! What was left of it, at any rate :P We ate a LOT. Even after a crazily heavy dinner. But then, we always eat a lot in Malacca. *moans* My poor waistline!

Me and Chen... She's back from the U.S. but gone to Singapore for a bit. Sigh.. Seems like everyone's upping and leaving.

2 Generations of Lim Sisters :) And it looks like we're following in their food steps. Hehe. And no, the spelling of that is NOT wrong! ;)

Ting and her prawns! It's always prawns! Prawn Queen! Wooooooooh! (K, I'm psycho hehehe).

This is us playing 'Take Two'... seems like a simple, boring game, but it's addictive. Think Scrabble, but 100 times faster - and when played with a bunch of naturally competitive people... Haha.

This is us cam-whoring on the last night of our stay there, before we started playing Pictionary at around.. I dunno, 4 a.m.? Hehe.

And this is how we sleep - in the hall, all squashed up together. It's good stuff, and probably something we'll miss a LOT. Is it any wonder we're so close? ;)

Discoveries

Ah yes.. It is interesting to note that chivalry is not as dead as it seems.. There are still guys who would step off curbs to help a blind girl cross the street, who appreciate how much a girl's virginity means to her, who still hold open doors and pull out chairs.... Feminism is all well and good, but who says a girl doesn't like being looked after every once in awhile?

On another note - we had a good time in KL. I doubt I'll ever regret anything about that day! :) Just a pity we never go to eat them durians. Hehe.. And now I've got He's Got The Whole World In His Hands stuck in my head. Whoopee. Yay Lukas!

PS: Thanks a whole bunch, Subu! :) *hugs*

-n-

How do people come to terms with things in their head? I just can't seem to.. No matter how many times I run through something, list out the pros and cons and generally figure out what is best for ME, the person, I inevitably come to the same conclusion: maybe I'm not strong enough to let go, even if it's detrimental to my well-being as a whole.

I suppose I'm just being stubbornly idealistic. Or is it just that my heart knows just how much pain I'd be in if I go through with what I know I should, and it's rebelling against it with everything it's got. Sigh.. Damned if I do, damned if I don't, to quote a much overused, but sadly appropriate cliche.

So how do you weigh degrees of pain anyway? How do you know that the choice your making is the right one? And how do you come to a decision to end what could potentially be the best thing in your life, because at the moment it's what's causing the greatest damage, emotionally?

I've tried to be strong, but I'm not that strong. I can't hold on to someone that doesn't want to be held on to..

It's like a man dangling over the edge of a cliff, and all that's keeping him from falling is your grasp around his wrist. The only problem is, he isn't gripping back... and there's only so much you can do on your own. Sooner or later, that fragile hold will slip, and then what? You're left with a dreadful uncertainty...

Did you do all you could to hang on? Maybe there was some inner reserve of strength that you could've tapped into that would've made all the difference. Maybe your grip wasn't right, if only you had just held on in a different way, a different angle that would've made it harder for him to slip away...

But then the nasty thought invades the self-doubt that maybe, just maybe, he WANTED to slip away. That's why he never tried to hold on to your hand, too, even just a little.

How do you deal with a situation like this? When everything seems to close in around you and you don't know what the right choices are anymore. Because I will eventually have to make some hard choices, and I really am not at all sure that I'm up to the task.

Awww....

The big baby feeding the little baby :) How cute is that?! Haha.. That's my little god-daughter, Rachel, and my "little" baby brother, David, with the littlest cousin of us all, May, looking on :)

Nyonya Food Night!

Ah tis time for more pictures! What's the use of being the BBC if we don't produce the evidence? Hehe.. The subject of this particular bunch of pictures is the potluck at Aunty Bee's! :)

For those of you who haven't had the opportunity to see/try Nyonya food before, this is it! I know some of it looks strange as heck, but I can guarantee that it tastes amazing! :)

Sharm and me.. Sarsi advertisment models! And that's Ting - she's a good testament to how good Nyonya food really is! :D

Me and Sharmo again.. Posers betul! :P

We are indeed a very closely-knit group of cousins... Lol. We like squashing up together to take pictures.. it's good for cousinly morale. Hehehe.

And lastly.. I promised you a glimpse of just how many girls there are in the Lim family.. Well, this bunch + the 6 that weren't there.. That's 15 girls, folks. And a measly 6 guys. Hehe! We win by a mile! Wooooh!

KLCC Obsession :)

In exactly a week, we'd been to KLCC twice. And took pictures in the park! :) Haha.. These are just some of the photos we took there.. Big Bad Camwhores strike again! Wooot! :D (Click on the pics to see the larger versions).

Steph and me... don't we look like sisters? :)

Our Sunday School teacher mistook us for twins.. even when our registration forms said "Stephanie Lim" and "Elaine Fernandez"!!!! :D

Me and Sheryll.. Steph's REAL sis :) Poor dear, she's been inducted into the DEDS KLCC Obsession.. she's almost as bad as us now! Hehe.

That's us and Andrew... He's a dude from Sterling, Scotland, studying in Dundee. He's another victim of our cam-whoring, KLCC obsessed ways. Poor thing. What an introduction to Malaysian youth! *shakes head sadly*

And what's 2 trips to KLCC without a picture of the infamously notorious DEDS? We still be the bestest cousins you could ever find. Tis just a pity we get into so much shit that no one trusts us anymore! :P

Last Request

This song just reminded me of someone.. Twas such a sad situation. Sigh.. Oh well...

Slow down, lie down,
Remember it's just you and me.
Don't sell out, bow out,
Remember how this used to be.

I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight

Grant my last request,
And just let me hold you.
Don't shrug your shoulders,
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,
But one last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me

Oh, I've found, that I'm bound
To wander down that one way road.
And I realise all about your lies
But I'm no wiser than the fool I was before.

I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight

Grant my last request,
And just let me hold you.
Don't shrug your shoulders,
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,
But one last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me

Oh, baby, baby, baby,
Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?

Grant my last request,
And just let me hold you.
Don't shrug your shoulders,
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,
But one last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me (x2)

Yeah, lay down beside me.

One last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me

"Sleep"Over!

Totally redefining the meaning of "sleepover" :D

Yes!

Another sleepover after sooo long. All of us were together, 'cept for Yin, who's well on her way to be getting her P license! Now we'll have 5 drivers, therefore more options for designated driver. Hehe. Wooh!

As usual, none of our days are normal, so we started our sleepover on the back of one hell of a strange day - the weirdest birthday we've ever celebrated with David, poor soul. Then we go back home and spend the night taking pictures (yes, Sandy, we are indeed the greatest camwhores living), jumping around to New Shoes and Closing Time, sleeping layered like cheese layered on pizza on Dave's single bed, ordering take-out McDs at 2 a.m... yep, all in all the typical cousin no-sleepover! :)

Took MORE pictures at Aunty Bee's house, where we had absolutely fantastic Nyonya food (even if I did put on, like, 20 pounds from it) and played with our little niece, Rachel (who is actually a really smart baby!). I'll put up some pics when I get them.. then you can see just how many girls there are in my family. And gorgeous ones, at that! *winks at all cousins coz all cousins are girls (with the exception of Jono - sorry boy! :P)*

Next stop? MALACCA!!! For the last time! Mama's house! Jetty! FOOOOOOOD!!!

Hehehehehe.

PS: JU LI'S HOME!! WooooOOooHOooOoooOO! :D

These Streets

I finally managed to get Paolo Nutini's album... I must admit this isn't usually the sort of music I listen to, but I actually kinda like his album. Okay, so I bought it solely coz I love New Shoes (surprised, anyone? :P), but I ended up liking most of the songs..

Maybe it's got to do with the fact that he sings with a distinct Scottish accent. Haha!

Now all I've gotta do is look for Elliott Yamin's album and my "summer CD collection" drive will be complete! Yeeehaww!

This is Elaine.. sigining off! *salutes*