-none-

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't the person I am. If had only been, I dunno.. simpler? What if I could see the world in black and white and not in shades of gray? Would my life be as complicated and as wrought with pitfalls as it is now?

I have almost everything it takes to make a success of my life. Yet, even now, I don't know what I would define that success as. Is it academic achievements? A great job with greater pay? Somehow, even with these two things as end goals, I can barely motivate myself. That isn't to say I don't want to be successful career-wise. But I'm just not sure if that is me.

What would give me the greatest fulfillment in life? Yes, helping children is waaay up there, and I've at least taken a step towards that. But ultimately - what do I want? That is the question I just cannot seem to answer.

Right now, my brain is giving me conflicting thoughts. I'm playing every possible scenario over and over again in my head, and the one I'd choose is the one most fraught with heartache, and I'm not sure I have the courage to choose that path. Then again, if it does come to that.. I suppose I would have no choice - because the alternative isn't even worth considering.