Insanely INsane Am I!

Okay, this post is only coz I'm feeling guilty for neglecting this poor page. I don't really have anything to say at this point.. Nothing specific anyway. So I'll just type and see what my fingers produce. Rest assured, I am SO not thinking as I'm writing this. At least not consciously.

Or wait. Do I ever think in the first place? Coz I don't quite seem to, sometimes. I mean, I have a real knack of getting myself into the most awkward of positions! Mainly coz I absolutely refuse to use the tiny bit of grey matter that hasn't yet evaporated from the poor, under-used thing I call my "brain". [Yes Ju, unlike yours, I still have a LITTLE left intact *grins wickedly*]

Oh yes. We have just found out why they call the whole love-thingy (or is it lust?? :P), Chemistry. Things like attraction between different charges, and stuff, how one atom has an affinity towards another because of certain conditions, and is repulsed by others...

And this thing called polarising power and polarisibility. Which is, the ability of an atom to form bonds, and the ability to allow those bonds to be formed, respectively. At least, that's the general idea. Anyway, it's amazing how very like humans these atom thingamajigs are. An atom with high polarising power isn't necessarily able to form bonds, not unless the other atom's polarisibility is high enough for it to. And in regular relationships... Aren't we all like that?

How cool is chemistry, man! Haha! And you know something? I think my teachers have romance on the brain. Just the other day our Bio teacher was describing irreversible andreversible inhibitors (in enzyme activity) and she asks a what sort of bond the reversible inhibitor forms with the enzyme, and all of a sudden she goes, "Engagement bond!"

And we're all like, HUH?

Apparently, the bond isn't called an engagement bond. D'oh. She just meant that the reversible inhibitor's bond is like an engagement - it can be broken. But the irreversible inhibitor's bond cannot be broken, therefore it is like a marriage. Coz, y'know, enzymes don't have solicitors and stuff. No courts, so divorce isn't an option for them. Teehee.

And we also found out that 3/4 of the guys in my class are really old-fashioned blokes. Teacher asked them whether any of them wanted a wife who worked, and there was this resounding "NO!" that basically, made me and my friend burst out laughing - in shock. As in shocked laughter. Y'know? Man! Apa la ni... All fellas want housewifes ah? Habislah aku! I shall die a spinster in the throes of feminism.

Or I shall just avoid marrying any of my classmates. Muahahaha. Unless... all men think like that? OH NO! Damn.

I am doomed! Doomed I tell you!

And I shall stop now. Apparently, not thinking isn't a very good idea with me. Toodles all!

[I'd appreciate it if you didn't call up the Happy Hospital. Just this once. Please? THANK YOU!! *hugs and kisses everyone*]

Insanely Sane and the Citizens Park (correct ah? :P)

Lazy lazy me never thought walking could be so much fun. I've been deflecting exhortations from my poor parents to follow them to the Taman Rakyat in Andalas for ages...

But yesterday, when Ee May asked whether I wanted to go with her, I agreed. In like, 2 seconds flat [not including the time it took to call my dad and ask permission :P]. And seeing as the original plan was to go for breakfast with Jenna and Dav, we convinced those two poor souls to tag along.

So this morning, I got up at 6. Yep, on a Saturday. And saw a message from Jen sent at 2.53 a.m. - "Elaine!! Do you know where my house is or not???" [Yeeesss, Jen :P] And on calling Ee May at 6.50, I found she was still in the shower. Whee. Could've slept an extra half hour. Hmph. Hehe.

Which is what Ee May found Davina doing, when she reached HER house (where I picked them both up from). Our dear dear friend thought that we were JOKING about going for that walk... and promptly proceeded to sleep in! Gah. *knocks Davina's head* I TOLD you I was going to pull up outside your house anyway!

We picked Jen up after Dav took 10 minutes to "brush her teeth" and woohoo! You shoulda seen the - I quote - "pimpin'" gold and white shoes ol' Jen had on! And boy was she in a good mood. All smiley and giggly and ... haha. I don't blame her. I'd be on Cloud 9 too, if the same thing had happened to me.

Anyway, we reached TR without any mishaps (thank God!) and managed to find parking due to excellent, EXCELLENT timing. [Okay, so it was more like pure luck... lol]. My angle sucked, so Ee May - who wanted to try driving a "normal car" for once - re-parked it. Really well, I might add!

So we huffed and we puffed, all the way along the 200 metres or so it took to the foot of the "jungle" trail. Teehee. [What to do, all lazy pigs.. haven't had proper exercise in YEARS! :P] And with much protestation from poor, sleepy Davina, we took the stairs to the trail. Y'know, I had NO idea there were stairs there! Shows how long it's been since I've been there... Ok.

We weren't so much exercising our legs, as we were out mouths, though. And at certain inclines, we thought about ol' Ju and how LUCKY she is to have a group of hunks to help her out, while all we had was.. well.. us. Hmph. Heehee.

Oh and I discovered I can do monkey bars [Harhar I know... Shouldn't be a surprise right? *rolls eyes at Uncle Chris*] First time EVER I've managed to complete the one in Taman Rakyat. Woohooo! Maybe it's all those books I carry to school everyday. More than enough to build muscles, those. Haha.

After a little over half hour, we decided to call it a day. Better not to strain our poor delicate un-exercised selves. And then we proceeded to destroy all the good it'd done. Muahaha. Went to a mamak in Chi Liung and gorged (well, not quite.. :P) ourselves on one apam, one roti canai, nasi lemak and a roti telur. Only Jen abstained. Oh, for a TOUCH of her self-control! [Oi, budak.. did you eat those fruits like we told you to???]

Aaaahhh... Being with Insanely Sane is ALWAYS fun. For some reason we NEVER run out of things to talk about. Which is awesome, and the kind of friendship that's really hard to find. Woohoo! So... In the name of exercise, mamaks and the Insanely Sane spirit, we've decided to make this a weekly affair.

After I complete all those extra Saturdays of school that we're forced to attend. Pah.

Ooh gosh. Can't wait! Insanely Saners rock the house! Or the hill. Or um.. nevermind.

We just rock!

Heehee.

(Pretty obvious that I don't know how to end this eh? :P)

I can't

I cannot do this anymore.
But how do I stop?
I can't face him.
Sometimes I don't even want to.
But doing that just tears me up inside.
I hate having to ignore him.
But I feel like I have no choice.
I can't be friends with him.
Not with so much hanging between us.
It isn't my fault.
Isn't exactly his either.
Or maybe we're both to blame.
I should never have said anything.
And he should have told me the truth.
What is rejection but a temporary thing?
One can recover from rejection.
But what is the cure for uncertainty?
Nothing but the truth.
I know it's hard to speak your mind.
To tell someone that you don't care about them,
as much as they do about you.
But telling them would be the best thing for them
And you, too.
So, speak your mind, boy.
Don't be afraid of hurting me.
You've done that already.
One more time won't make much difference.
You may never love me.
And maybe I don't love you.
But for now I'd like to know what you're really thinking.
Just so I can end this feeling of hanging by a thread.
Just so I can look at you again.
I can get over you - but you have to help me.
Crush my hopes, just once.
That's all you have to do.
Then maybe - finally - I'll be free of you.

Is this what you wanted to read, Ju? :) Sorry. I'm depressed.

JUWWWEEEE!!!!!!

Ju Li's going. Tomorrow. In 12 hours time.

Sobs.

What'm I gonna do without her? For EIGHT MONTHS! Oh no oh no oh no. The thought just totally makes me wanna bawl my eyes out. For real.

Sigh.

I know I hardly see her anyway, but it was always a great comfort to know that I could just pick up the phone and call anytime. Or say, "hey, let's go for lunch" on a whim and she'd be there.

I don't think there's anyone else on EARTH who gets me like she does. Which may not be such a good thing for her, but heck. Lol. I just know that I can tell her anything. And most times, she's the only one I can turn to.

God, I feel so depressed right now. I just know I'm gonna flood KLIA tomorrow. Gosh. Never cried at airports before. Eeks.

See Ju? You've turned me into a sentimal wuss! Help!

Dammit, I miss her already!

Do or Die (So "drama", eh? Heehee.)

I had a weird dream last night. Let's just say it involved him and it weren't good. I still have this terrible sense of "you've made a fool of yourself, girl!" Blah. I suppose I have.

Which is why I've reached a decision. No matter how friggin' painful it's gonna be, I think I have to go through with it. Because, really. What am I getting out of trying to figure out where this is heading? Is it even heading anywhere? Y'see? I can't answer that. So what's the point?

There IS no point. Which is exactly why I am resolving to get my head back on straight and FORGET IT. Sigh.

This is short coz I gotta go. Just thought I'd let those of you who've been following my nonsense know.

PS: Selamat Hari Merdeka to all you Malaysians out there!