Go...

It's a familiar place, this. I just wish it wasn't so familiar. Might make it easier to sleep at night. :(

It's Only Words

Words are my haven. I feel safe with them. I feel lost without them. So many times I have to try to cling on to actions, instead, as they're supposed to speak louder than the words I crave - words that are somehow always few and far between. I can't explain how lost I feel without them. How many times they have been what has stood in the way of my going mad with worry, anxiety, grief. I survive on words, thrive on them.

People just don't realize how important they are. They confirm the meaning in our actions. They provide the context, so that others can understand the gestures that we make to show some feelings that, admittedly, words may not always adequately express. We so often underestimate the power of words, that we neglect to use them, believing that actions always speak louder. Is this necessarily true? Just consider the many ways in which a single action can be interpreted.

Some think that if something is said too much, it loses its meaning. Well, sure, familiarity tends to do that, make a sentiment no longer novel. But what of a meaning that goes beyond mere feeling? Is it so easy to lose then?

Granted, I may need words more than most, but I still believe we place too little importance on them in this day and age. What happened to the poetry that spoke from heart to heart? The letters that could run on for page after page? The stories rich with descriptive life, drawing you into a world of colorful people, glorious scenery, mysterious intrigue? How many write those now, let alone appreciate them?

Our ancestors understood and appreciated the power of the word in ways we seem to have forgotten. Will we become so afraid of exposing our hearts that we shy away from one of the few things that make us human?

Dawning..

I don't deserve him. And yet, there he is. He doesn't believe it. I doubt he can even see it. But I am so incredibly blessed. I can only pray that in time he will be able to see himself through my eyes. Then he'll understand. I really could not ask for more.

Dilemma...

We watch. We wait. We stop. When there's nothing we can do, time slows to a standstill. What do we do with this time we have? What we choose -- is it for us? Do we actually think before we decide? Or do we go with what our hearts tear at us to do, even though if we gave it any thought, we'd see that all we're doing is indulging our fears? Sometimes even if it means welcoming heartache, the best we can do is stand down.

Sultry, Steamy..

The tango is so hard to watch. *shivers*

~~~

I think I need to breathe. Old habits die hard. I need to stop feeling like I need to twist myself into an unrecognizable knot to accommodate what I think is needed. I feel myself slipping back into that pattern and it's not good. Especially considering the direction that this is taking. I can't go back to being that person. I can't.