Preciousss...

Oooh precciousss. We's depressed. Why's we depresssed? We's not knowing. Or maybe we DOES know. But we's not wanting to admits it... It wantss usss to give's up the preciousss. But no!! We's not doing that! We's not knowing which is worsse.. Having the preciouss or lossinng it. We can't makes up our minds!!!

The preciouss is killing us.. But we'll dies without the preciousss too!! Our brat says we'ss only likeess the preciouss coz the preciouss is fitss in with our dream preciouss... And we sayss we KNOWSSS that! Otherwise we wouldn't be WANTING the preciouss now, would we?

We hass to forgets the preciouss.. But we WANTS its so baaaad. We's wishing everyday's that we's not meeting the preciousss but we still not's regreting it. We's confused. We wants to be not confused, but it's harrd, precciousss! The preciouss is ssso ssspecial it hurts usss!

We's not wanting to ramble.. But we's needss it all out! It's killing us, preciouss! We wants it to go away, but it won't! It won't!

When's we going to stop wanting the preciouss? Oh preciouss.. We lovess you!! Or at least.. we thinks we do...

My preciouss!! :(

Poem.. Sort of.

I know he's happier where he is.

I know that he's in no more pain.

I know that life will always go on, no matter who is lost.

I know I will one day find it in me to love again.

But I cannot let go.

It's just so hard.

When the pain grips you inside, and the grief tears you apart.

It doesn't make sense to feel this way.

Why does he have such a hold on me in death?

It's so hard to understand.

How my heart can be destroyed for the love of one man.

He's gone forever, but I still cling on...

Although I know that all is lost.

He is no more and all hope is gone.

-Written at the beginning of 2004-

Mushy Wushy

Anyone who knows me will know that me and mush go together as well as an AB transfusion into an O type patient.

REJECT!!!

*beep**beep**bee_____*

But that's not to say that I don't like romance. Fact is.. I'm like every other girl in that account. Er.. maybe minus the "cupcake" part. After all, what is romance, really, than making the other person feel like the most special being on earth? Right?

I think romance can only be found with the right person. As in REAL romance. Not that touchy feely mushy wushy stuff that's the result of YES, puppy love. COME ON, guys! The chances of it being LOVE (as Dave very well told me yesterday.. take your own advice, dude!) are close to nil.

People wonder why I like writing this stuff. I donno... maybe its coz I actually love the idea of old fashioned romance. Knights in shining armour and whatnot. Although I don't think I'm too keen on the damsel in distress part.....

Walks on beaches, strolls in the park, candle light dinners, the theatre... Now THAT'S what I call fun for two! Why..? Well. Ahem. Um. *cough* Oppurtunities.. *cough**giggle**choke*

Heehee. Maybe except for the theatre. I just threw that in coz.. I know going to cinemas is the norm. But somehow, plays, classical performances.. Are more special. Or maybe its just coz I like 'em. *grins*

Ah and that brings up something else. What could be more romantic than doing what both like together? Both will have fun AND be together at the same time!! Yeah? Is that not so? Um...

I actually don't quite get the point of my ramblings but I do know this. I'd rather talk to the guy I like about his day, than hear him say sweet nothings in my ear. Oh all that is fine and good, but I think relationships that are grounded in reality last longer.

But when all that' s said.. I wouldn't mind if Chris Pine showed up on my doorstep with a dozen roses and called me "Sugar pie honeybunch"!!! :D

Teehee.

Eulogy

In conjunction with Mama's 100 day death anniversary, I'm posting the eulogy that Sharm and I wrote for her. It was HARD trying to put everything we wanted to say into a 3 minutes speech so.. Bit strange, this, but nevertheless it came from our hearts.

"We're changing day to day.

But tell me, where do the children play?"

-Cat Stevens- Where Do The Children Play?

With the dawn of a new era, we venture through tremendous change and modernization; often leaving the richness of our cultures and traditions behind, passing it off as "old fashioned" and "things only ancient people would do".

However, all of us here today are extremely fortunate to have been able to uphold our traditions and cultures up to this very day. All of this would not be possible without the presence of a very special person in our lives.

On this solemn yet glorious day, a child returns to her Father's arms. Our grandmother, Mary Ong Wat Niyu's time on Earth has passed but her eternal paradise and everlasting peace with her Creator has just begun.

Mary Ong Wat Niyu, or more fondly referred to as "Mama" by her grandchildren, has always been a pillar of strength and a great cook, especially to her greedy, greedy grandchildren.

"What you all want to eat? Mama cook."

From the oldest to the youngest grandchild, she knew the culinary favourites of each one. At every family gathering, she would produce meals fit for a dozen kings. We slowly learnt to expect a constant supply of pong teh, sambal belacan, chap chai and a whole assortment of Nyonya delicacies every time we went to visit her.

Although she nagged at us constantly, she showed her affection in other ways. She strongly disapproved of us going out or mixing too freely with non-relative members of the opposite sex. She always kept newspaper clippings to prove to us the "dangers of the world" and how we would get into deep trouble if we went to mamak stalls. At that time, we thought it was a hindrance to our freedom and just an enforcement of ridiculous values. We did not see how she was actually concerned over the safety of her precious grandchildren.

Needless to say, we got on her nerves plenty of times. As both she and us grew older, it was harder to keep us under control. One particularly stressful time led her to declare that she "would rather look after 10 cows" than 1 of us.

Despite her constant dissatisfaction with the lack of "proper" behaviour, she still found ways to spoil us rotten. Baskin Robbins has profited a lot as a result of her generosity to her grandchildren. So have various street vendors around the world. Her penchant for travelling has brought her to so many exotic destinations around the world, and she never failed to come back with souvenirs for us. We all wear T-shirts of different places, half of which we have never even been to before!

That was the great woman we called Mama. A great source of wisdom as well as a link to our roots. We also have her to thank for our parents, uncle and aunties, and 22 excellent, fabulous, amazing, stunningly attractive...and very humble grandchildren. We will dearly miss the times when we gathered in Malacca to celebrate Chinese New Year. It was her presence that made everything seem so complete.

Thank you Mama for everything you have done and all you have been to us.

Walaupun Mama jauh di mata,tapi dekat di hati.

We love you, Ma.

DEDS : A History

1993... (based on photos found)

Fun game of the year: Red Indians and Cowboys
- We had an awesome bow and arrow set AND some really cool guns :)

Fun House
~ Segments include somersaulting on chairs, crawling under stairs, "guess my weight", basketball~

First ever family trip to Genting : Sharm pulled a trick on her dad - threw a tantrum and wanted to go home.. So he drove up to take her home. But when he got there, she REFUSED to go back!! :D Naughty girl..

1994...

Dress up!! This year was all Indian costumes. Mmm.. we looked like Chinese kids masquerading as Indian royalty!
Also made tiaras out of costume jewellery a.k.a my mother's necklaces. :)

1995...

Carolling year! First time we actually carolled together. Wooohoo. You shoulda seen the costumes! And for once in my life I was an ANGEL...*eyes shining*

1996...

And the kids get naughtier. Turned external water tank into a swimming pool. Didn't get out in time and got caught. Spent the entire morning cleaning it out... which was almost as fun anyway!

1997...

Tortured Uncle Clarence. Thanks to dad, we learnt all the harmonies.. and were VERY vocal about mistakes in the carollers harmonies. Haha. Wonder what he must've been thinking... 3 ten year olds and an 8 year old insisting "THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT SHOULD BE SUNG!!"

A can of spilled paint is all it took to prove our IQs are waaaaaay below 100. The Fantastic 4 decided to use our HANDS. Yup. Take it as a lesson: NEVER scoop up spilled paint with your hands if you know what's good for you!

Oh and thinner is "acidic", by the way. So if it burns.. shouting "ARGH! ACIDIC!" is merely a case of stating the obvious.

Our first ever time singing together. In front of a video cam that is. All Christian songs, but our carols harmonies were.. *ahem*.. Magnifique! *grins*

1998...

Got new bicycles. That was all it took for us to race out of the house to the nearest shops as soon as mum and dad's cars left the driveway.

Broke a window pane in our room while throwing out a Slurpee. Hey, it woulda been evidence of illegal activities! Had to be gotten rid of. Hehe.

1999...

MTV, here we come! Well. Almost. With a repertoire of music videos consisting of all things Westlife, 2 BSB songs and 98 Degrees I Do (Cherish You) ... It was a waste when the tape jammed. Now we no longer have proof of our excellent production capabilities.

Think Malaysian Idol "Greased Lightning" quality. *grins wickedly*

Our first real family trip since Genting to Terengganu . Pulau Kapas was a BLAST!

2000...

Yes! Teenagers at last! At least.. 3 of us were. More videos.. although we kinda looked like the Barney kids. Especially in "I Have A Dream".

Accapella recordings of pretty well harmonized Westlife choruses. If I do say so myself. Hehe.

First ever live performance. Was quite well received. Although the music DID drown out our harmonies. Sigh.

2001...

Teenagers playing Blind Man's Buff? You bet! I don't think we've ever played anything more fun.. and dangerous. Not a single one of us escaped unbruised. Its a miracle none of us sprained or broke anything, tumbling off tables and beds.....

EXPO year. Had our first studio recording experience. Can I just say "SORE THROAT!!!" ? Seriously, the key was waaay too low for us then (I can reach it now.. sigh).

Again another example of low IQ. I wonder how we expected to win a competition with a song like "I Cry". Talk about depressing!!

Although the group who won should have been in the Tai-Chi category or something. Honestly! When is Mandarin Opera considered POP?!

Soledad was aired twice.. Once by Serena on Hitz and another time by some DJ on Radio 4. Heehee. Ladeeda...

2002...

Dave's finally 13. Singing slacked a little. Did a bit of World Of Our Own, but that's it.

Holiday at Endau-Rompin. Aaahh.. Now THAT was some holiday! Bunyans always add a little extra flavour to a holiday. Dark beaches at night, getting stung by jellyfish... Mmhmm. THE mixture for a brilliant holiday! :)

2003...

Lepak year!!! Dave and Sharm into raps. Dave had one really good one - Suicidal. Sharm had 2.. Manifest and Hatred. Loved those. Haha. Tis funny. They're both so NOT depressed and they wrote some of the most depressing stuff I've ever heard!

Holiday in Frasers... Poor Steph got into a mess again. BECAUSE of us. Again. David tried spitting out his chewing gum.. And it got stuck in her hair!!! *ROFL* Poor girl was screaming her head off.. so much so that the restaurant owner took pity on her and gave us a scissors! Ooh boy. That was HILARIOUS!

The "jungle-trekking" was fun, too... And so was the attempt to walk to the Town Centre at 12 a.m. Hehe.

2004...

This year it has stopped. No more singing. Sharm's done some solo stuff though, which is pretty darn good. I personally like Alive and This Much Is True. SOPPY BALLADS!! *grins mischieviously*

We found the Jetty! It's the best place on earth I tell ya.. I absolutely love it there. Maybe in the future... With someone... Sigh.

Mama passed away this year... :(

Twas a sad sad occasion. We reacted typically.. re-wrote 2 songs and a strange eulogy by me and Sharm. She (being the public speaker and all) was appointed to read it.. But broke down half way. So I ended up reading it like a speed train. If I hadn't we'd be running through the cousins and not finishing it since all of us woulda been bawling our eyes out.

Malaysian Idol. Bad production. Not enough good singers. Fun. Why? New friends. And the best is in the Finals. Hope she wins. Go Jac!

~This is just to keep in memory the highlights of our 11 years of closeness~

M E N

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move,automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND MEN?

~ Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. ~

Listening 4 Love

Again.. Not mine but oh-so-true.

There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel.

For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words 'I love you.'

So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good'. But really, these are just other ways of saying 'I love you. You are important to me. I care what happens to you. I don't want you to get hurt.'

We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say.

And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong,we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.

Therefore, we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important.

A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says 'I love you' even though the words might be saying very different.

Anyexpression of a person's concern for another says 'I love you'. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.

A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same.

A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was worried about you,'' the father is saying, "because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.''

We say 'I love you' in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, atother times by speaking out, even brusquely.

We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express.

The problem is listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.

Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love. The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face.

Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.

Simon and Garfunkel wrote that very haunting song, The Sound of Silence . It goes:

Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking; people hearing without listening; people writing songs that voices never shared, because no one dared disturb the sound of silence...

It is a terrifying picture of our modern world, a world without communication and without love. We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realise.

Love

I didn't write this, but I love its message...

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.

His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell.

With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.

During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like.

When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen.

I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:

A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away.

I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment.

"I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?"

The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"

It's not difficult to understand and admire Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. "Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are."

Additional Madness

Argh! Add Maths is the bane of my existence!!

Tell me, why force us to learn something that 3/4 of us won't even use later in life?? Why not just make it optional so that whoever wants to do it can do it and the others won't be forced to believe themselves donkeys just coz they can't get a supposedly easy sum!

Now what bothers me is that my Maths actually used to be GOOD. I'm serious! Surprising, I know but it's true. But when ol' Add Maths came along... lets just say my brain decided to freeze. I do NOT like using 10 different formulas to answer ONE question!!! :(

Tra la la. One month more. I just hope I pass.

G.H.

3 days to a year now. Sigh.

How come I'm like this when I'm supposed to be over him?

And gosh, I'm starting to get a sense of deja vu. There are so many parellels that it's freaking me out! Like the time of meeting, for instance. And when we got closer.

If it were to happen all over again, I don't know if I could take it.

Frankly, I'm terrified.

Romance

Just something I scribbled for the school mag.. (And something to distract me as well. Sigh.)

Ah, romance!

The very word can make a girl’s heart go a-flutter. The utterance of the word brings about dreams of wine, candlelight and dancing in the moonlight… Lying beneath the stars, flowers and candy and…

Never mind.

It’s no use elaborating anyway, because at this stage in life, only 1 in a 100 teenagers grasps the true concept of romance. There is, of course, an impossibly fine line between romance and mush… And the latter seems to be apparent in most relationships.

As a girl, I have to admit the whole flowers and candy concept is enormously appealing (especially the candy, hehe). But do remember, guys, that over-doing the candy bit can result in a fat blob of a girlfriend who is no longer attractive to herself or to anyone else. No matter how well intentioned the gift of candy might be, there are very few girls who can resist the beckoning of a mouth-watering piece of Hershey’s Kisses.

Oh and please! Do NOT attempt to write poetry if your command of the language is mediocre. It will only serve to make the other party cringe in embarrassment, not always for you. A badly written poem can often have the opposite effect, especially if the recipient has a slightly better vocabulary than you.

On the subject of pet names. I, for one, am totally averse to food being used as terms of ‘endearment’! I do admit that there are people out there who love being called ‘cupcake’ and ‘honey bun’. But whenever I hear it, I automatically think of the edible version of those words. And I don’t exactly enjoy getting the impression that I look like a honey bun. Which, by the way, is fat and round.

During the early stages of dating- early being less than five years if you’re in your teens, it is advisable not to refer to each other as ‘husband’ and ‘wife’. Not only is it asinine, it’ll make the other person completely freaked out after awhile. If commitment phobia is apparent in adults, it’s even worse in the typical adolescent.

And guys, ease up on the pick up lines, all right? You’ll probably get slapped across the face if you say something like, “What time do we get off together?” Or if you’re lucky, you’ll just get laughed at. And to all you science freaks out there, “Our chromosomes were meant to be together” or “Did anyone ever tell you that you have the most pulchritudinous orbs?” are out of the question as well.

If you’re planning to ‘romance’ anyone anytime soon, remember that to be romantic, you don’t have to be corny at the same time. The most important thing is that you don’t try too hard. A desperate person can be detected miles away, and there’s no better way to cool a lover’s ardour than to reveal signs of desperation.

For though an elaborate show of affection can be considered sweet, it is in the simple sincerity of the gift of single rose given with a smile that true romance is found.

You Don't Know

Nobody knows me
Yet everyone knows my name
Some people judge me
Not knowing that I’m the same

Thanks for the offer
But I keep my old friends, always
And then I get lonely
Counting the endless days

Are you here for me at all?
Do you care for me at all?
Well this time now I knowI ain’t standing alone no more

Cos all I want is love
Someone who can share the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won’t stare at me no more
Cos all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I am
The person you think you know
You don’t know
You don’t know

Some heart felt emotion
Creeping from deep inside
Cos’ being this person
Is all I’ve got left to hide

Are you here for me at all?
Did you care for me at all?
Last time I was told
I ain’t standing alone no more

All I need is love
Someone who can share the pain I feel
And the eyes that stare
Won’t stare at me no more
And all I need is time
Time for me to open up and show
The person I amThe person you don’t know
You don’t know

- Westlife

Oh yeah. And I'm officially depressed.