The Dark

He still freaks me out. I can't look at his pictures without wanting to look away. It's really quite amazing how much of a psychological hold he has on me. And scary, too. But to act in a different manner around him would just alert others to the problem.. and I don't want that either. People choose whom and what they believe, regardless of truth, so I'm better off keeping mum on the subject. Tried once, failed miserably. Really - would you believe someone you've met only once over a friend? Doubtful. And that one fact of human nature has made certain that I can never, ever reveal what I know to be true.

-toolazytothinkoftitle-

As much as I might gripe about extraverted intuition - it looks like it's saved me once again. Of course, when I refuse to listen to it, I usually end up in a messy situation that I really could've done without. But this time I did - and boy, am I glad I did!

Moving on...

Lately I find myself becoming a lot more cutting and caustic. It isn't very pretty. I must say that I usually regret being such a bitch after the fact, but I'm finding it harder than usual to rein in my tongue. Really not a good thing, and I can't seem to pinpoint the reason for this seeming lack of self-control.

I'm allowing too many things to get to me. Worrying about things I shouldn't be worrying about in the first place is using up a lot of the energy I usually reserve for being patient with the people I care about.

Anyway, if any of you read this, and I've been particularly mean lately - please know that I'm sorry. I'm really going to try and stop being so sarcastic all the time. Hold me to it, will you?

But Wait, What If...

There are times when being so aware of the possibilities can be extremely annoying. Here I am, trying to read nonverbal cues, and all the while, my mind is churning up new ways to interpret them.

*pulls hair out*

Okay, so a big part of it is that I just want to be confident of something for once. My excitement is always tempered down by the realization that I could be completely misreading things. The point isn't whether I most probably am or not - it's simply this realization that pretty much dampens it for me.

It's funny.. I can give you about 10 different attributions for one simple act. Just one. And 9 out of 10 will be driving me crazy, because there usually is only one thing I want it to be attributed to, but my mind refuses to allow me even that one teeny luxury of being able to float on air.

However, as a defense mechanism against getting too hurt by my idealistic nature, this works perfectly. I have to say that much, at least. Pros and cons, people. Probably the one thing I'm reasonably good at determining.

Hooray for extraverted intuition.

If Looks Could Kill... Poor Laine Would Be Dieded.

It's bad enough when someone doesn't like you. But it's a whole lot worse when:

a) You don't know why
b) The person has never spoken to you in their entire life!

I would prefer it if they just came to me and yelled. Or something. At least I'd know if it's justified or not. Better yet, I'd be able to defend myself...

The random glares and sideways glances are seriously unnerving. Not an experience I'd wish on anyone, of that I can 100% assure you.

*shudders*