!!!

I'm scared witless. Because in spite of the surprising resilience that has dragged me out of so many stupid situations, I'm sick of getting hurt. Of finding out that all I've been doing is building castles in the air. That my feelings are never reciprocated in quite the same way... It takes its toll. Some insecurities are hard to overcome -- particularly when they've been hammered in over and over. My heart says one thing but my brain screams another. I just need a break. From all these emotions. But how do I run away from something that is very much a part of me? I can't escape it, so I'll have to learn to deal. Somehow. And someday maybe there'll be someone who will be able to accept me -- romanticism, expressiveness, insecurities and all.. and dare I hope, love those annoying parts of me too.

Dreamer...

Thinking back on what I used to write about, I have to laugh. Not just because of the extreme idealism that pervaded almost everything I wrote on this subject, but because I've come to realize that the very same idealism remains -- it's just a lot better disguised now. I don't do myself any favors, of course, by reading and listening to the things I do but I can't help it; I rather enjoy feeding my imagination, though, to be quite honest, it doesn't need all that much help to move it along... Why am I this dreamy? I can't remember a time when I wasn't. Even as a child I was always half-living in an entirely different world. I haven't changed much from the little girl who used to daydream about going on adventures like the Famous Five or solving mysteries like the Three Investigators. I've just learned to make the line less blurry. But difficult to live with or not, I don't ever want to lose this side of me. It keeps me child-like and helps me see the wonder, the possibilities life has to offer. Besides, it's fun. It really is!

Isn't It Ironic?

None of us can completely escape hypocrisy. What separates us is whether or not we realize this. If we search ourselves deep enough, we'll know that we haven't always met the standards we set. Yet we still readily impose these standards on others. What we often don't realize is that even while we do this, and scorn them for not living up to our standards, we fail to live up to theirs too, albeit in a different way. No one has the right to belittle another person, in any way or form, for any reason. Sadly, it's more often than not when we say that... that we proceed to do the very thing we scorn.

- - -

How often do we walk through life forgetting that we aren't the only ones there?

People matter. Regardless of how insignificant someone might seem in the so-called grander scheme of things, nothing gives us the right to treat them so.

We may be the center of our own little universe but until the earth starts to revolve around us, we should hark up to the fact that there are different ways to be significant. And the inability to realize that is one of the saddest things I've seen.

The "open" mind can sometimes be the most closed. Pity.