I Want...

To dance under the stars, twirling and laughing in his arms... To watch the sun rise with my head on his shoulder, fingers entwined... To walk along the shore, listening to the music of the waves... To enjoy a moving melody, or a beautiful composition with him... To talk the night away, without noticing the time go by... To laugh and cry without fear of recrimination... To just be, even in silence, knowing that sometimes mere presence is comfort enough... To love, and to be loved in return.

The Dance

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say? You know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

It's my life, it's better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Sidenote

How does a person get so wise?

I am in awe.

Baby brother's all growed up.

Sniffles.

OMG We Did It!

Woohoo! Look at us! :D

Hahahaha I actually managed to complete the trekathon in one piece! Yay for the couch potato! :) Even better: we ended up being in the top 15 for our faculty, which means I actually got a GOLD medal out it for the women's team prize *roflmao* A funnier thing has never happened to me. But it was overall a fun experience and I'm glad I did it, and not just coz I got a medal :P Actually doing something like this with other students from the department was sweet -- I love the team spirit and togetherness that's there when we're all working together for something. It's one of the things I miss most about high school -- cheering our team on :) Then again, I'm a sentimental fool most of the time, so... Hehe. But I loved today. It was one of the best days of the year thus far :)

BPsych -- We are the champions! :)

Mmm..

Songs have more power to make me cry than any book or movie I'll ever see. Music has the power to move me like nothing else can. A good melody reaches deep within me and curls itself around my heart until all I can feel is the music moving into my very soul. I don't even want to comprehend a life without music. It would be too bleak to even imagine.

.....

I have to laugh. I don't know how a human can be an inhibitor, but jeeez, this has gone far enough. There is no point in wanting something that only ever makes you feel like less than you really are.

Lalalala....:)

Today made me realize how much I miss those random choir competitions back in high school. More to the point, I miss the MGS choir! 5 years of hard work and fun, friendships formed and kept, skipping class to train, learning to train ourselves after our instructor met with an accident -- funnily enough, we did the best in the year we had no trainer -- won 2 district competitions and placed 3rd in the state championships. Not a bad haul for a self-taught choir, I have to say :) Sigh.. Memories! Even the awful uniforms now seem like an adorable quirk that was part and parcel of the MGS choir. It's been years and yet I can still remember the camaraderie, the fights, the horrible clashing notes, and then that moment when we finally get it right and everything falls into place... ah, magic! The feeling is indescribable! I miss that so so so much. I just wish we could find some semblance of that in the HELP choir -- it really would make a whole lot of difference!

Haha, but it has to be said, though -- the judges at the UM competition today were hilariously similar to the ones who judged the district and state choir competitions: they focused on so many trivial things while judging! It's a CHOIR competition, for crying out loud! It's the singing that should matter, not the uniforms or the way they were moving. Fair enough to penalize them if it affected the overall presentation, but if it didn't, it's fairly ridiculous to give the award to another, slightly worse choir, whose only saving grace was that they didn't take risks trying to make their performance interesting. Meh. Still rather geram about that bit. Hee!

Oh well.. I'm so happy I went to see that competition today, though. It's made me remember just how much I love singing in a choir, and what it's like to be part of a choir that can actually enter and do well in competitions. Ooooh, fingers crossed we'll get to that point while I'm still in uni to see it happen! :)

Hmm...

Haha, have you ever obsessed about something so much just to suddenly realize how absolutely pointless it was to? It's funny, now that I think of it, that no matter what I do now, there's one obstacle that isn't going away, even if the outcome is favorable. And this is the one obstacle I'm most afraid of...

Life is funny, isn't it? Is there such a thing as pointlessness? Or do we have to give everything a shot anyway, regardless of an almost inevitable outcome?

Something to think about.

Random Thoughts

**Warning: Super-emo post coming up!! Read at own peril :)**

I wanna know your dreams and make them mine... ~ Julio Iglesias

How often do we want to be understood yet fail to try to understand? Why is love now all about how you make me feel? We all have so much to give yet get so caught up in the taking. I want to be able to see the person, not the image. Know the man behind the mask. Laugh with him, cry with him, dream with him. Just as much as I want him to do the same with me. Not for me, with me. Being equal doesn't mean being just as good as each other at everything, at least not for me. It's about mutual recognition of the strengths and weaknesses we both have, of respect, of knowing that we both don't HAVE to be here, we choose to be. Understanding that by loving him, I give him the power to hurt me, but also realizing that I hold his heart in my hands. But if he does not want what I have to offer... loving him means letting him go so that he can find the one who really makes his heart soar. Love can be as painful as it is beautiful, yet if we really look, it is in the pain that its beauty really shines. Love me or don't, but know this: I would give you all I can and more.

Mini-Break :)

I have to take my mind off Parkinson's for awhile. The words are starting to blur together and my mind is definitely rebelling at the number of chemical names I've read in the past week. Chemistry and me never quite got along, although I always managed to somehow do right by it in the end :)

Moving on...

The past few weeks have been quite surreal. It felt good to finally be able to speak about my fears, to finally trust enough to let that part of me be seen. I'm slowly starting to realize that there's no shame in weakness, provided you don't let it hold you back. Then again, it has to be said that some fears are stronger than others, and some falls too scary to risk. For the moment, at least.

I'm taking baby steps. It isn't easy but it's... freeing. And as soon as I stop trying to measure up to other people's standards, I'll be back on track again. Here's to me sticking to my resolutions this time!

And as for the rest of it...

Now, if only that epitome of cluelessness would see fit to pull off the blinders, then maybe things'll start to get exciting around here!! ;)

Pedestals

They aren't healthy, pedestals. They dehumanize people. It doesn't matter how extraordinary someone is, they're still human. It's tough to remember that sometimes. Question is, why is it that some people have the power to hold you mesmerized? To drive out all semblance of intelligent thought and leave you with a self-inflicted psychological barrier that blocks the real you and projects a rather dull carbon copy version, instead. It's frustrating, to say the least. Especially when something happens that SHOULD knock 'em off, and you still keep pushing them back up there... Hooo boy. Always, always, asking for trouble.