No!

It burns us, precious, it burns!

Oh lord. I can't think, I can't feel.. Or maybe it's just that I'm feeling too much. It's insane. I don't want to feel this way. I want it to stop.

Why did I let myself fall into this trap? I knew it would lead nowhere - I KNEW. But I still went ahead and did it. Now I'm stuck in a quagmire of "could have been"s. It isn't pleasant. No sirree.

Do you know the feeling of wanting to cry but never being able to? Of having only one thing on your mind all the damn day long? And worse - of wanting something you know you can never ever have, not in this lifetime, unless some change of fate and circumstance allows it.

Dammit. Why did I allow myself to get into this? Knowing the consequences. I'd do anything - ANYTHING to get back that chance... or even to create a new one. But I can't. It's out of my power - no longer my decision. And the decision was made.

So it was not meant to be. I should just swallow it up and face up to it. It's difficult. It's damned difficult.

To see him, just to hear his voice one more time.. Damn. I really would do anything. But now, it's too late.

He's gone.