-greathands-

The pain of loss is the worst feeling in the world. The added frustration is that no one understands what I feel. It's been 11 days since he died and I'm still pining for him.

We weren't good friends, oh no. We weren't even in love. Or so I thought. He was simple, intelligent and unpretentious... quite unlike a boy his age. I don't know whether to regret the day I let him into my life. Would I have been better off not knowing him? I don't know. Maybe, but I'd also never know how it felt to... fall in love with someone so perfect.

He knew all the right things to say. He made me feel special. Sometimes that really is all a girl wants.

Oh how I wish I had saved something of him! Just for a part of him to hold on to. I don't think I ever believed it to be possible but I really think I love him.

And it's tearing me up inside. Oh God, please take away this grief... This unending ache that refuses to go away! I need some sort of closure, something to reassure me that he's with You.

I keep wanting to say his name over and over again.. It fills part of the longing that's still so fresh in my heart. I don't care if he'd never feel the same way about me.. I just want him to be alive and there for me.

But I know that's impossible. And it's KILLING me! I want to shriek and scream and cry out. Anything to release this pent-up pain.

He meant so much to me - I only realize that now. No matter what happens in this life, I will never forget him

- Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Michael. This is for you -