Post-SPM Delight/Depression

I've been a weird mood this weekend. In limbo between being depressed and really ecstatic. And really tired, on top of the fact that my sleeping patterns have become horribly screwed up. I sleep at 5 wake up at 8. Does that sound really healthy to you? No? Didn't think so.

ANYWAY.

The reason for the "ecstatic" part is.... Okay, you should be able to guess the first reason. That's right. No more guilt about doing the stuff that I want to do but am not supposed to (although that kinda takes away half the fun.. lol).

The main reason though, is.... I've FINALLY got my OWN handphone. And it's a Nokia 6100. I never for the life of me thought that my mum would agree to it. Thought she'd make me settle for something a little less than 500 bucks. Have I ever said my mum's the coolest, most sporting, fantastical mum EVER? I haven't? Well now you know. (I had to pay half... but even then it's not as expensive as if I were to buy a cheaper phone on my own :P).

The depression?

Okay. Let's put it this way. Now that I have nothing to do, I have more time to think. And the more time I have to think, the more unwanted thoughts decide to creep in and take over. The main reason being, of course, that... that... well, for lack of a better word... idiota that I've been fool enough to have a silly crush on.

Can't believe I actually fooled myself into thinking that we could be friends. Well actually, I didn't. I knew from the start it wasn't going to last. But of course, I chose to hope. Hah. Or wait. That IS fooling myself. Darn.

So. I've learnt my lesson. Hope isn't really a good thing if you have doubts. VALID doubts. It just serves to make the crash back to reality a lot harder to take. And boy. If I hadn't been so busy trying to remember how hormones work, I would have noticed it a long time ago. As it is, it's only hit me now. Boom. Whee.

I'm going to make a resolution. I shall not bother him [damn, this is deja vu. I so feel 10 again :( ]. He wants to talk, he contacts me. Even if he doesn't realize the mess he's caused (all right, so it isn't ALL his fault), I'll feel better about myself if I didn't turn into some stalking, lovesick, duck-brained monkey.

To Dane: Brain me if I EVER mention "Jack" again.

Shih Chung: I think I'll just wait for the right "jeweller". The jeweller's supposed to find the jewel not the other way around, right? ;)

To the rest of the world.. this sums it up:

"I have my OWN soul - My own spark of divine fire!" - Henry Higgins

And now.

To convince myself.