Anger + Hurt = Disaster

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I...

Sigh. No I don't. I do, but I don't either. I can't. Not as much as I wish I could.

I know I've been blogging too much about that.. that.. argh. Nevermind. Don't wanna call him what it really is I want to call him. Pah. Sorry, but I can't help it. He just makes me so mad!

I really really would like to know what's going on. I'm pretty sure he's figured it out. He's a smart guy. Only really blur and dumb ones wouldn't have gotten it by now. So I really don't know what he's playing at. Or the others who know, too, for that matter.

A bit of truth would be welcome. I know it's great for the ego and all if someone likes you, but how about what the other person's feeling huh? I know it's hard to just come out and SAY IT if you don't like somone, believe me. I've had to do it too. Makes you feel like the world's biggest jerk. But trust me, there's nothing worse for the one who's feelings are hanging in the balance than NOT knowing where he/she stands with you.

Right now, all I've got are rumours. But ones that are almost 100% likely to be true. So I'm thinking, if they're true... What the hell was the aftermath of that all about? Couldn't someone have given me an indication of what was going on? Instead of acting all, "Hey, everything's great... Wanna hang out?"

I mean, hello?! I know I may be the world's biggest sucker, and I don't mind helping to cheer someone up - if that really was the only reason. But if all I am is an ego booster or a rebound or whatever, well hey, screw your head back on straight. No matter how much I may like someone, I am NOT that hard up, though I may SOUND like a lovesick puppy. Ask anyone though - I usually do, about someone or other, so this isn't a unique situation.

This may all be in my head, but I am really really mad right now. I'm also trying to figure something out. Why don't guys know how to be gentlemanly anymore? Gosh... It was all I could do not to stare in absolute amazement at them. Only ONE had the decency to offer. My god. At the very least, OFFER! Especially if you're the one who did the inviting.

Do I sound totally out of it? Probably don't sound as bad as I feel. I keep replaying everything in my mind and wondering, where was all that going? What was the POINT of it? I'm all for making someone feel better after rejection, but what the HELL?! Not at someone else's expense, please! ARGH.

I thought this rant would make me feel better. Apparently not.

Sigh. I'll probably post again later with something a little less... dramatic. I've just been turned inside out and it isn't a pretty picture. How I manage to act normal (normal for me, that is) is totally beyond me.

Because all I feel like doing now is screaming.