Oh crap. I suddenly feel like crying. I don't know why. It's so out of the blue. It could be this haze. Or maybe I'm just stupid.
Far as I'm concerned, I'm pretty sure he knows. I mean, how couldn't he? He'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb (not the speech kind) not to. Otherwise he's an exceptionally blur person. Which I seriously doubt. Chances of that are as high as me being chosen to represent Malaysia in long distance running. Or something.
I know he knows all the other crap. I don't know if I regret that or not. But somehow it was a bit of a relief being able to be candid like that. Not anymore though. Those days are pretty much gone.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Though I can't think of a reason to prove myself wrong. As it is, a deaf person could put two and two together, the way things are being tossed around. Oh well. I signed my own death warrant when I opened my big mouth. Now's the time to suck it up and bear the consequences, hey?
I guess I just want him to know that on my part, I ain't gonna be doing anything about anything. I'd be much much happier if he didn't know anything - that I wish with all my heart that this is nothing more than a crush that will disappear with a little time. It'd be so much easier for it to be that if people weren't constantly reminding me of it. As if I needed any reminding.
You know.. I'm not even sure that I want to have anything to do with him til this cools off. I really really don't know anymore. It could just be that I'm feeling like this coz I'm depressed. Or it cold be what is the best for me. And ultimately, I guess, him.
Although - I do have to give him credit for something : if he knows, he hasn't given any indication, and as Ju put it, hasn't "avoided me like the plague". I don't know. I guess I'm grateful. Coz I know how hard it is to be on the receiving end of unwanted attention. Even if it's not from the person, the teasing can get to you after awhile.
Kudos, dude. You deserve it.
Now I shall crawl back under my rock and die.
Friday, August 12, 2005
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2 comments:
Cuz, this is scary... 0_0 We both felt the same way today. Goodness... Is this a sign of some sort? SIgh.
Hmmm, it did look very bad on teh TVs. Mom called nan up and they have everything that leads out of the house closed. You guys should go down to PD, maybe its better there.
AND GO BRING INSANELY SANE WITH YOU!!! You need some therapy. Agreed IS?
Uhm, well, makes me wonder, why'd yer dad bring you back to Klang where I suppose, the haze comes in from? I could be yer wrong, ignorant, poor pathetically naive cousin though... Sigh.
heyhey girl what happened?? do tell me. since we're rocking around in one boat and all. what did that numnum do???
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