17

Alleluia! 17 at last!

And guess what..? I am gonna DRIVE, baby!!!! Wooooohoooooo!

Okay, so that may not be so big a deal to some, but it is to me. Driving = Freedom. I don't have to depend on mom anymore. Meaning I can go out more. HA! See?

I had a pretty quiet birthday. Nothing special. I have never had a proper birthday party since I was 13. Haha. Why? Well..

a) Birthday parties cost money.

b) Birthday parties require planning.

c) Birthday parties require guests.

d) Guests need entertaining.

e) I'm just too bloodly lazy to entertain!!!

So that may seem mean to some, but honetly? I'm not as extraverted as I used to be. There was a time when I wouldn't have minded partying all night long, but now? I just can't be bothered.

Oh gosh. 17 and behaving like 71.

HEEELLLLPPP MEEEE!!!! :'O

CNY 04

I hate growing up. Why? Because every year, someone leaves. This year it was Chen, Vern and Li Chin. Next year it'll be Sharm.

Chinese New Year will never be the same again!!! *sniffles*

But whatever the case, no one can say that the times we spend together are boring. We've been to Malacca countless times, but each time there's always something that makes each trip special.
This year... We were given the freedom to wander around by ourselves. FINALLY! I mean, hello? 3 of us are already 17. Sigh... for some reason OUR batch of cousins has always been treated like babies, anyway. *grumbles*

So. Back to the point.

Staying in the house is a recipe for boredom. The solution? Take looonnng walks and see where they lead us :D It was on one of these walks that we stumbled upon... *drumroll* The Jetty!

It was a dark night, with only the light of the moon.. okay okay! And a few street lamps... to guide us. Waves lapped against the shore, the rhythm hypnotic. And there, we saw in a flash of lightning... The jetty stretching out far into the sea.

It was deserted. All was quiet. Not even a dog barking. We came to a decision.... To take the plunge (which we very well could have since that ratty old thing has no railings and is about 3 feet wide..) or go home and feel like cowards for the rest of our conscious lives.

But NO ONE has ever DARED to call the Lim Cousins cowards. (Anyone who did so woulda gotten his teeth knocked in anyways... Grr.) Through all adversity (even a couple of bunyans thrown into the mix!!), we made it to the end of The Jetty... And we have never regretted it since.

There is nothing more astonishingly beautiful then to be surrounded by the sea, under the light of the moon and the stars. And if you're with that special someone... Mmm. It's unbelievably romantic. Sigh....

Anyway, that jetty became our favourite hang out spot. And no wonder too. It's so peaceful; just sitting down there and chatting can be so much fun that time flies by just like that *snap!*

We went to Jonker Walk. Had a couple of cocktails.. Er YES, I know we ain't supposed to but honestly. WHO CARES??? *winks wickedly*

And Maths Tuition. Yeah we LOVE Maths Tuition. Don't we guys?? *grins michieviously*

All in all.. a typical Lim CNY. Not so typical after all!! :D

I did it!

The pain has finally dulled. God, it took... almost 3 months. It's 2004 and now I can live again. At least I hope I can.

Form 5. Wowzers, last year in school. Whooopee.

Going back to school after 2 months is good. So good that I'd rather eat maggots. But no, I'll sacrifice that pleasure and... head on back. Maggots are protein you know. See what I'm giving up?

Horror of horrors. They've put me in the top class.

*runs around frantically*

"No.. no ther's gotta be some mistake! You put me in the WRONG CLASS!! What am I doing in the TOP class?? Noo! Get me outtta heerrrreeee!"

Live

I have to go on. Somehow, I have to pull myself together. Should I allow myself to throw my life away? No.. I didn't think so.

From now on I'll pull myself together. Is that so hard to do?

~ I know eventually we'll be together... One sweet day~

And it goes on...

A lot of things have been the outcome of his death...

- Mark isn't important to me anymore.

- Anthony's is now seen as just a friend.

- All guys seem so unsophisticated and such wannabes next to him.

- I can't even work myself up over 3 gorgeous Danes and their even more gorgeous technician.

- Going online is an endless search for closure. Something to take my mind off him...

- Life holds no pleasure for me... I can't concentrate on anything.

- My results suffer because of my inability to put his death behind me.

Ooh boy. Magic cures, anyone?

-greathands-

The pain of loss is the worst feeling in the world. The added frustration is that no one understands what I feel. It's been 11 days since he died and I'm still pining for him.

We weren't good friends, oh no. We weren't even in love. Or so I thought. He was simple, intelligent and unpretentious... quite unlike a boy his age. I don't know whether to regret the day I let him into my life. Would I have been better off not knowing him? I don't know. Maybe, but I'd also never know how it felt to... fall in love with someone so perfect.

He knew all the right things to say. He made me feel special. Sometimes that really is all a girl wants.

Oh how I wish I had saved something of him! Just for a part of him to hold on to. I don't think I ever believed it to be possible but I really think I love him.

And it's tearing me up inside. Oh God, please take away this grief... This unending ache that refuses to go away! I need some sort of closure, something to reassure me that he's with You.

I keep wanting to say his name over and over again.. It fills part of the longing that's still so fresh in my heart. I don't care if he'd never feel the same way about me.. I just want him to be alive and there for me.

But I know that's impossible. And it's KILLING me! I want to shriek and scream and cry out. Anything to release this pent-up pain.

He meant so much to me - I only realize that now. No matter what happens in this life, I will never forget him

- Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Michael. This is for you -