Ladeeda...

The first exams are over!!! Phew.

I probably didn't do all that well, but who cares? They're over!!!! :D

I know Form 5s are supposed to be seniors and what not, but let me ask you: ARE SENIORS SUPPOSED TO DO EVERY DARN LITTLE THING?!!!

No? You got it. But somehow, it ends up that way. I don't recall being so helpless last year. I mean, if the Fifth Former isn't around, use your brains and think up some way to get the job done! Is that so bloody difficult? Sheesh!

I really really really do not want to know what's going to happen to the school next year.

The hols have passed too. Didn't really do anything.. Just hung out. Watched movies.

Oh and Shrek 2 is HILARIOUS!!! The spoofs were so well done I think I couldn't stop laughing the whole way through. I feel like laughing just thinking about it :)

After this, it's back to the grindstone, baby.

Sweet Sixteen

Sweet Sixteen. The words every girl below the age of, well, sixteen longs to hear. It’s a pity, though. After the excitement dies down you’re left with an almost tangible feeling of… so what?

Welcome to the world of disillusionment. If you prefer to keep your whims about the most over-used cliché that is ‘Sweet Sixteen’, please do not read any further. Because I warn you, being 16 is not quite all it’s cracked up to be.

One cannot help but feel excited as the big day draws near. After all, if you’re being bombarded left, right and center about how you’re going to be a ‘young lady’ soon, you’re bound to be at least a teensy bit affected by it all as well. Enthusiasm of that sort is usually pretty contagious.But when the euphoria wears off… Poof! Reality crashes down on you like a two-ton concrete slab. Being 16 is not much different from being 15 after all.

To add insult to injury, you’re associated with the most sickly sweet song ever composed, sung by a certain Hilary Fluf- excuse me- Duff, which will make any self-respecting 16-year-old wish she was 17 instead. Especially when that song appeals to no one over 12.

But I digress.

Myth number one.

Contrary to what teen novels like Sweet Valley say, you do not become popular over night. Nor does your life change drastically in any way. In fact, nothing changes much from when you were 15. You aren’t suddenly the glamour queen of the century, neither do the boys queue up outside your house waiting for you to appear. Except for the fact that you have ten times as much work to do, the changes are so miniscule, they might as well not even be there!

There is also this annoying thing about being in limbo between a child and an adult. A common occurrence is this: “May, clean that room of yours! You’re old enough to take responsibility for your own things now. You’re supposed to act like an adult!” and in the same breath, “No! You cannot go to MidValley with your friends. You’re still too young to be going out on your own. You need adult supervision.” If that’s not a contradiction of terms, I don’t know what is.

Oh and though the government might think that since you’re 16, you’re old enough to at least handle a motorcycle, the modern day Hitlers - as we call our parents - do not seem to agree with the government- at least on this count. As far as they can see, we’re incapable of even crossing the road by ourselves, much less riding a motorbike!

Studying does not automatically become easier either. In fact, the opposite occurs. It really is IMPOSSIBLE to study when all you can see on the pages of you History textbook is your crush’s gorgeous (I hope) face. Now, if only they were to test you on the life story of your crush…

I could go on for ages but I guess it’s time to quit my grumbling. After all, I AM out of that stage of life already, and quite gratefully so. Come to think about it, being 17 ain’t all that different from being 16… Apart from the fact that we have an additional ton of homework and don’t have to deal with stupid clichés and ‘words of wisdom’.

Oh well. For what it’s worth, saying, “I’m 16” sounds a LOT better than “I’m 15”, doesn’t it? And I suppose that’s consolation enough.

Choir 04

Nothing much's been going on...

Choir's in full swing now. We've got the old coach back... But he's hardly around anyway, so we do most of the coaching ourselves.

Song titles?

Sejahtera Malaysia
The Sound of Music (medley)

Honestly, I really miss the OLD choir. Where everyone was enthusiastic. A little unruly, but the passion was still there. This present batch... Well lets just say I don't think it matters as much to them.

Last year was a fantastic year for us.. 2 wins at district level and 2nd runner up at State. There has never been an achievement to be so proud of. And to think we coached OURSELVES!! (That second district competition was an accapella one, too.) Sigh. What wouldn't I give to go back to the days when people weren't ashamed to say "Choir Club Rulez" :S

Oh well. Here's hoping for the best and that we don't screw up.

17

Alleluia! 17 at last!

And guess what..? I am gonna DRIVE, baby!!!! Wooooohoooooo!

Okay, so that may not be so big a deal to some, but it is to me. Driving = Freedom. I don't have to depend on mom anymore. Meaning I can go out more. HA! See?

I had a pretty quiet birthday. Nothing special. I have never had a proper birthday party since I was 13. Haha. Why? Well..

a) Birthday parties cost money.

b) Birthday parties require planning.

c) Birthday parties require guests.

d) Guests need entertaining.

e) I'm just too bloodly lazy to entertain!!!

So that may seem mean to some, but honetly? I'm not as extraverted as I used to be. There was a time when I wouldn't have minded partying all night long, but now? I just can't be bothered.

Oh gosh. 17 and behaving like 71.

HEEELLLLPPP MEEEE!!!! :'O

CNY 04

I hate growing up. Why? Because every year, someone leaves. This year it was Chen, Vern and Li Chin. Next year it'll be Sharm.

Chinese New Year will never be the same again!!! *sniffles*

But whatever the case, no one can say that the times we spend together are boring. We've been to Malacca countless times, but each time there's always something that makes each trip special.
This year... We were given the freedom to wander around by ourselves. FINALLY! I mean, hello? 3 of us are already 17. Sigh... for some reason OUR batch of cousins has always been treated like babies, anyway. *grumbles*

So. Back to the point.

Staying in the house is a recipe for boredom. The solution? Take looonnng walks and see where they lead us :D It was on one of these walks that we stumbled upon... *drumroll* The Jetty!

It was a dark night, with only the light of the moon.. okay okay! And a few street lamps... to guide us. Waves lapped against the shore, the rhythm hypnotic. And there, we saw in a flash of lightning... The jetty stretching out far into the sea.

It was deserted. All was quiet. Not even a dog barking. We came to a decision.... To take the plunge (which we very well could have since that ratty old thing has no railings and is about 3 feet wide..) or go home and feel like cowards for the rest of our conscious lives.

But NO ONE has ever DARED to call the Lim Cousins cowards. (Anyone who did so woulda gotten his teeth knocked in anyways... Grr.) Through all adversity (even a couple of bunyans thrown into the mix!!), we made it to the end of The Jetty... And we have never regretted it since.

There is nothing more astonishingly beautiful then to be surrounded by the sea, under the light of the moon and the stars. And if you're with that special someone... Mmm. It's unbelievably romantic. Sigh....

Anyway, that jetty became our favourite hang out spot. And no wonder too. It's so peaceful; just sitting down there and chatting can be so much fun that time flies by just like that *snap!*

We went to Jonker Walk. Had a couple of cocktails.. Er YES, I know we ain't supposed to but honestly. WHO CARES??? *winks wickedly*

And Maths Tuition. Yeah we LOVE Maths Tuition. Don't we guys?? *grins michieviously*

All in all.. a typical Lim CNY. Not so typical after all!! :D

I did it!

The pain has finally dulled. God, it took... almost 3 months. It's 2004 and now I can live again. At least I hope I can.

Form 5. Wowzers, last year in school. Whooopee.

Going back to school after 2 months is good. So good that I'd rather eat maggots. But no, I'll sacrifice that pleasure and... head on back. Maggots are protein you know. See what I'm giving up?

Horror of horrors. They've put me in the top class.

*runs around frantically*

"No.. no ther's gotta be some mistake! You put me in the WRONG CLASS!! What am I doing in the TOP class?? Noo! Get me outtta heerrrreeee!"

Live

I have to go on. Somehow, I have to pull myself together. Should I allow myself to throw my life away? No.. I didn't think so.

From now on I'll pull myself together. Is that so hard to do?

~ I know eventually we'll be together... One sweet day~

And it goes on...

A lot of things have been the outcome of his death...

- Mark isn't important to me anymore.

- Anthony's is now seen as just a friend.

- All guys seem so unsophisticated and such wannabes next to him.

- I can't even work myself up over 3 gorgeous Danes and their even more gorgeous technician.

- Going online is an endless search for closure. Something to take my mind off him...

- Life holds no pleasure for me... I can't concentrate on anything.

- My results suffer because of my inability to put his death behind me.

Ooh boy. Magic cures, anyone?

-greathands-

The pain of loss is the worst feeling in the world. The added frustration is that no one understands what I feel. It's been 11 days since he died and I'm still pining for him.

We weren't good friends, oh no. We weren't even in love. Or so I thought. He was simple, intelligent and unpretentious... quite unlike a boy his age. I don't know whether to regret the day I let him into my life. Would I have been better off not knowing him? I don't know. Maybe, but I'd also never know how it felt to... fall in love with someone so perfect.

He knew all the right things to say. He made me feel special. Sometimes that really is all a girl wants.

Oh how I wish I had saved something of him! Just for a part of him to hold on to. I don't think I ever believed it to be possible but I really think I love him.

And it's tearing me up inside. Oh God, please take away this grief... This unending ache that refuses to go away! I need some sort of closure, something to reassure me that he's with You.

I keep wanting to say his name over and over again.. It fills part of the longing that's still so fresh in my heart. I don't care if he'd never feel the same way about me.. I just want him to be alive and there for me.

But I know that's impossible. And it's KILLING me! I want to shriek and scream and cry out. Anything to release this pent-up pain.

He meant so much to me - I only realize that now. No matter what happens in this life, I will never forget him

- Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Michael. This is for you -