Sad Sad Case

I saw a ghost from the past the other day. Out of the blue, just like that. Wasn't expecting it at all. Funnily enough, the first thought that flashed through my mind was, "What was I thinking?!!" I actually seem to be thinking that a lot. After the fact, unfortunately.

It's funny how something can be your whole life one minute, then turn into something you'd rather not think about or acknowledge the other. I suppose I've got a bigger track record in that sense compared to any other living being, but time and time again I can't seem to pinpoint the source of my.. er.. short attention span? Or maybe it's just disillusionment. I don't know.. but if it is, I seem to get disillusioned pretty damn fast.

I guess it's probably as simple as knowing what you want and knowing enough to stay away from what you (under normal you circumstances) would not even think of wanting. There's a sense of deja vu with me, too. I seem to repeat the same mistakes, it's not difficult to see the pattern in my choices. And the funny thing is, they're all complete opposites of what I really want.

Maybe I'm a scaredy cat, hiding behind what's safe and easy. Maybe I don't wanna put myself on the line. But then good things don't come easy (a little cliche here and there never killed anybody *sticks out tongue*), right? But hell. Getting burned once is more than enough to think twice about sticking my head out there.

I could psycho-analyze myself and say, "You got some issues, baby. You need ta clean up that mess inside that li'l head of yours before you start playin' anymore games. You pick 'em so you're in control, so they can't hurt you. You's scared, plain and simple. Get your act together, woman!"

And I'd say myself is right.

(Don't mind me.. I'm in a blabbering mood today.)