Ooh Whhyyy??!!

I don't know what's happening to me. Why am I so afraid of what I don't yet know to be certain? Is it the thought of what COULD be that scares me? Or the fact that it could all turn out to be so wrong?

Or what if it's all just a dream? Admittedly, an amazing, wonderful dream.. but still just a dream. How can it be real, when all I have to go on is an image built up in my mind by my own imagination?

It might be accurate - or it might not. It might even be better than I ever thought it could be. Or it could turn out to be nothing more than a fantasy.

And that's scary. Because so much has been put into it.. It's constantly on my mind, refusing to let up. How do you let go of something that's become a part of you? And if it goes naturally, will it leave a deeper emptiness than before?

Hell. Mountains out of molehills, I know. But I just had to write this. It's killing my mind, thinking about it. Sometimes I curse the vividness of my imagination. It makes me wish for so much more... Okay. So I don't exactly help matters by encouraging it...

Oh well. I guess I should quit being such a loon. Whatever happens, happens. It's not like anything but a potentially explosive.. er.. something-or-other, is at stake here.

Hold on while I screw my head back on straight.

There. That's better. But wait. Damn! This odd apprehension is still there.. Sigh. Oh what am I going to doooo?

I guess only time will tell. I should really stop agonizing over this. I should. Hm. Easier said than done.

Oh bloody hell.