I used to be able to write down how I feel pretty accurately. The words were able to come out. Now they're only stuck up in my head, refusing to string themselves together into anything remotely coherent.
Sigh.
Could it also be that what I'm feeling cannot be described adequately? I've been searching and searching for a way to put it all down. It's frustrating feeling a certain way and not ever being able to describe it!
At least, it's frustrating to me. I always prided myself on my ability to express myself through my writing. Now.. Wooh. I seem to have lost THAT ability, along with quite a number of significant ones. Like the fact that my "memory of an elephant" has metamorphosised into the memory of good ol' Dory.
Double triple quadruple sigh.
On the bright side, though, what I'm feeling isn't negative. (If you ignore the frustration it creates.) For the first time in a long long time I'm not unhappy. Nor am I indifferent. I'm actually feeling HAPPY.
It's a good feeling, folks. That's why I'm so anxious to capture it. So that one day, when I'm feeling down, I can go back and read it and know that it's not impossible to feel true happiness. That it isn't some illusion I created in my head. Memories can be deceiving - that's why having tangible proof that I could feel like this is so important to me.
I don't ever want to forget.
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