I am so getting paid back for all my past uh.. misdemeanors now. But then again, this time I brought it on myself. No one's to blame but silly, idiotic, pathetic ol' me. It's not that I've never felt like this before. It's more that I was hoping NEVER to feel this way again. Sigh. So much for hope.
I think I wrote once about how, a very long time ago, I liked this guy. A whole huge big humongous lot. So much so that I took a couple of years to get over him. Well, those two years were probably the biggest pain in the you-know-where that I've ever lived through. Okay, so it didn't nearly destroy me like M's death did, but it still hurt damn near as much.
My situation now is similar but not the same. I just hate the insecurity, the feeling of always having to watch myself, so I don't do something that totally embarrasses me. I can't concentrate on anything. Studying is difficult enough as it is.. This just adds to the pressure.
All right, fine, so I'm the one stressing myself out. But anyone who knows me well enough knows that when I fall for someone, I fall HARD. Like, "on my mind 24/7" hard. Yeah. Which is seriously pretty pathetic. On second thoughts, make that very.
So here I am, at 7 something in the morning, blabbering about some random guy whom I hardly even KNOW well enough to tell if I'm being a blah-faced or not. 7 bleedin' a.m.! And I was up before 6 too. Why? Because of a bloody stupid dream about said guy. ARGH.
I think I'm going to start and "Elaine Is An Idiot" fan club. You are all welcome to join. Yes. Even you, guy. I bet if you knew it was you I'm talking about, you'd want to be the president of the club. Coz honestly, if our roles were switched, I'd probably feel the same way. Sigh.
So much for moving on.
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1 comment:
trust me, yer not an idiot. I know how it feels, I know... Would you have thought I may have experience that too? Cuz, go up to him and talk to him! Be bold!
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