Jumbled Thoughts

I'm confused. If you consider someone a friend.. would you ignore them? Or at least ignore them until THEY came up and spoke to you. Or smsed you. Or whatever. Does that seem like a friendship to you?

Why would you WANT that sort of friendship? Where you, for some reason, don't think you can trust the other person to respect your wishes? Because it's really obvious that you don't. The wary look in your eyes says it all.

You do realize, don't you, that friendship takes work? On BOTH sides. The other person can't always be the one saying "hi" first, or smiling at you first, or catching your eye. YOU have to put in some sort of effort, too. Otherwise there is no way you can even begin to call that person a friend.

Also another thing. I've played around with the idea of "desperation". But then, isn't being desperate grabbing the first thing that comes along? Isn't it being fine with anything, as long as there's SOMETHING?

But I don't think I can settle for just anything. Oh believe me, I've tried thinking about it.. as in contemplating someone else. But it just doesn't work. For some reason, only one seems to cut it for me. No one else can. Apparently. At this point. Maybe a few days, weeks, months, years down the road... I don't know. But now? I am only haunted by one person. I can't change that and it sucks!

Wouldn't it be easier for it just to be a case of "damn, I need A guy!" as opposed to, "damn! I need THAT guy!" Sigh. But of course, life's like that so... suck it up, I will! Sometimes I have to remind myself that some things just aren't worth pining over. Except that my idiotic, brainless (d'oh) heart keeps telling me that it MIGHT be worth it.

Blah. Oh well. I shall enjoy myself. Or at least try to, what with all this er.. "emotional baggage" lying around. And for the record, this whole thing's the LEAST of my problems. 'Cept that it could well be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Not that I'm a camel. Metaphorically. But, you knew that. Duh.

Okay bye bye. Nonsensical rambling's over.